Tuesday, November 30, 2004

Reginald James Poggles

Reginald James Poggles
Originally uploaded by themightylayman.
Bumble Buzz looks on in the distance, marveling at what a big, furry dope Reggie is.

That little barstard!!

Reginald James Poggles II

Reggie ReDucks
Originally uploaded by themightylayman.
What's this? Does your one good eye deceive you? Nay, my young friend. This was no error. I posted this twice because little Reggie is DOUBLE TROUBLE!!!!!

That little barstard!!

Layman Movie Review: Magnolia

My friend Linda Lee bought this for either Kim or myself a Christmas or two back. It was one of those DVDs I didn't mind having, though I guess obviously I didn't want to watch it too bad. I mean, I saw it once in the theater, and walked out thinking well of it, even if it was damn long. Rewatching it, it's easy to see how somebody could get sucked into it. It's got a great beginning, and Ricky Jay has probably the all-time greatest narrator voice in history. On second viewing, the movie seemed just as long (some movies breeze by with repeat viewings, but not this one.) Julianne Moore, in particular, is a huge fucking drag every nanosecond she is on screen, even though I suppose her character is supposed to be. (I feel the same about her in Big Lebowski, and yet I don't hate her like I hate certain other movie stars.) And poor Tom Cruise, he wants so badly to be respected as an actor, but he just can't get away from that frat-boy pretty boy prick persona. Yeah, I know he embraces it for this movie, but in the end, it simply feels like Tom Cruise, once again, Trying Too Hard.

There's some other things in the movie that seem to make less sense on repeat viewing. The beginning suggests this is a story about synchronisty and fantastic coindidence, but I don't think it ties together all that well in bringing the storyline together. It has a lot of characters who are similar to one another, just existing in different places in time, or making different decisions, but so what? The movie does a better job with themes, and clearly the theme is forgiveness of others, and yourself. The rain of frogs was cool, but it did't really unify anything. Maybe there's a directors cut, with even more shit to tie this tapestry of characters together, but I'm not sitting breathlessly around waiting for it to show up.

Oh well. I'm lukewarm to this DVD. I probably won't sell it, at least, not until I need the space on my DVD cabinet, and that's a long ways off. ...but then again, I probably won't rush to rewatch this movie at anytime soon.

Monday, November 29, 2004

Twin terrors

twin terrors
Originally uploaded by themightylayman.
Rufus and Batty look up at their master with pure adulation.

Can you blame them?

Friday, November 26, 2004

Day after Thanksgiving

and I'm a bit hung over.

Wednesday, November 24, 2004

I'm flying to Arizona for Thanksgiving

Why do people always say "be safe" on holidays? Is that code for "don't drink and drive," or shorthand for "have a safe flight?" "Have a safe flight" is the one that really gets to me. That's pretty much up to the pilot, right? I'm not gonna sneak any guns or bombs on board, if that's what your saying, but once I'm onboard the plane, my fate is pretty much out of my hands. I think anybody who says "have a safe flight" should get punched in the mouth. I'm gonna start saying, "tell your PILOT to have a safe flight" just to spite everybody.

Tuesday, November 23, 2004


So a bunch of hunters get killed in Wisconsin. Instead of mass murder, why not simply report this as a massive case of irony. 6 people went out to mindlessly kill and ended up being mindlessly killed. WHOOPS. Anyway, I'm not a huge Second Amendment supporter, and I'm not crying any tears over a bunch of dead gun nuts.

Still, isn't anybody sick of the news story that accompanies EVERY SINGLE case of mass murder? There is always an interview with the family who sticks by the killer, and talks about, "oh, we were so surprised. He was such a good person."

Fair warning, no matter how well I know you; if a reporter ever asks me anyting about you, no matter what you did, even if it was just jaywalking, I'm gonna say, "that guy was a psycho and a loose cannon with a hair trigger. Everybody knew that it was just a matter of time before this evil nutbag went apeshit. Somebody should have put this jerk out of his misery a looooong time ago."

Now THAT would be a news story.

Greetings from San Andreas

HOLY SHIT THIS GAME IS FUN!!!! If you game me a choice between every single video game in the entire world, on every single console.... OR Grand Theft Auto San Andreas, I would pick GTA. Today I beat today people on the streets of Las Vegas to death with a giant purple dildo, parachuted off Vegas' tallest skyscraper, stole a jet pack from a military base, stowed away on a jet (on my motorcycle) and then blew it up. I killed the dirty cop played by Chris Penn and did missions for James Woods and Peter Fonda. Best of all, I visited Liberty City, the city where the original GTA3 was set, and whacked an entire mob family.

This game is the best.

Still, I am looking forward to returning to Los Santos... so I can cap me some Bollah Fools!

Sunday, November 21, 2004

Layman Pimpage: Gambit #4

My buddy James N. suggested I mention on my blog whenever a new comic book of mine comes out, and damed if that wasn't a good idea. This past Wednesday saw the release of Gambit #4, as well as the second Marvel Age Fantastic Four TPB, in which I have two stories.

Anyway, reviews of Gambit #4 are pretty good.

Here's one of my favorite, by Hannibal Tabu, who usually gives me the impression his head explodes after reading a Layman written comic: Gambit #4 (Marvel):
I am shocked to tell you this issue was good. Not "good for Gambit." Not even "good for an X-book." I mean plain good, with none of the playing around and half-hearted steps towards adequacy of earlier issues. Remy losing his luck in the Big Easy is the plot, and it's done very well, with some great and funny moments tossed it (playing cards amidst a field of battered costumed characters, a sign begging for Lear jet gas). I loved the hot dog cart bit, which was so crafty. If I liked, or was indifferent to Gambit, I'd have bought it. But since I actively dislike him, I did not.

Anyway, thanks for the suggestion, James. Give yourself a cookie!

GREAT NEWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just found out I've been promoted to Colonel!

Saturday, November 20, 2004

Layman Movie Review: The Matrix

I had this on while I build my new Lego Millenium Falcon. I haven't watched this movie since the third Matrix movie came out last year, and I wanted to see how it held up. Sadly, it's not quite what it once was. I've long maintained that the Matrix, released in 1999, was the "first movie of the 21st Century," but after 5 years the effects don't seem quite as mind-blowing and knowing that all the spiritual hokem leads in the follow-up movies to exactly jack-squat, it diminishes this movie. Still, even though I'm convinced the Watchowski Brothers* pulled the second two movies out of their ass, there are some moments in the first movie which resonate a little, know what happens in the next two. From the very begining some futuristic computer smack-head called Keenua "his own personal Jesus," which ties into Neo ending up as a Christ-figure in the third movie.

I'll probably suffer through the second Matrix movie and then the Anaimatrix, and then sell them, keeping online the first movie and pretending it stands alone. Still, if I wanted to watch the Matrix, I oughta just pop in Dark City. It's the same freakin' movie! Only Dark City is a lot less pretentious and spooky and visually interesting. My interest in Dark City over the years has only grown, while Matrix has diminished. Also, the fight scenes that seems so amazing in Matrix have been supplantd by Crouching Tiger and this hong kong fightin'-chick action flick So Close, which I absolutely LOVE.

*I heard one of the Watchowski's got a sex change operation. Does that mean we should now call them "The Watchowski Siblings?"

Layman Movie Review: American Pie III: American Wedding

Haven't blogged for a couple days, as this movie left me almost terminally nauseated. It was one of those Netflix movies I KNEW would be bad, but I rented it just to see how bad. It is was fucking MISERABLE, insulting and unfunny from beginning to end, with whatever few jokes there were were obvious from about a mile away. It was utterly charmless, and crude and mean spirited, after about the first five minutes I ended up fast forwarding through the entire thing, even the scene with the naked, big-boobed strippers. And when a straight guy is fast-forwarding through naked stripper scenes, you know a movie has to be bad. Oh, and the guy from Dude, Where's My Car who plays Stiffler was so unlikable and offensive it made me wonder if that wasn't the way that jackass truly is.

I'd say it was a waste of my time, but considering how quickly I fast-forwarded through it, I shouldn't realy complain. If I would have seen this in a theater I suspect I would have choken on a popcorn kernel –on purpose– just to stop the agony of that pile-of-dog-crap movie.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

The incredible, ever-changin' Layman

FYI: My AIM name has changed from themightylayman to mightylayman.

Go with God, my children.

Boy, don't you just hate NERDS?

I tell ya, there is NOTHING I hate more than nerds.

Oh, and on a completely different subject, here's a picture of just the Tatooine section of the Star Wars Lego diarama which occupies an entire room of my house.


Tuesday, November 16, 2004

Take the John Layman coolness test

I got this idea after talking to B. Clay Moore, the day I lost all respect for him. Diligently returning to this blog, like all good Laym-o-philes, the delusional Clay pointed out to me that he actually liked the Beatles, and then referred me to a link on his forum at the Image site, where he has his top favorite albums. His taste was horrible. He might as well have listed 20 Beatles albums, for the damage he did to my psyche.

This weekend, as my wife and I traveled to Cana-duh, we put together our own list of favorite albums, and albums that might have been especially important to or influencial on our lives. As I came up with the following list, I thought it would be a good way for you, the great unwashed masses, to tell how cool you are. Please note, I have only including one album per favorite band. You get one point for each album you possess, but if you don't have that album, but still one or more albums from that band, you may give yourself a half a point (so you only get a max half point, even if you have multiple albums, unless you have the album that I named.) The first three albums are worth two points, as they are my all-time favorites.

Layman's Top 20 Albums
1. THE CRAMPS "Stay Sick" (worth two points)
2. MR. BUNGLE "Mr. Bungle" (worth two points)
3. ALICE DONUT "The Untidy Suicides of Your Degenerate Children" (worth two points)

(note: all other albums are worth a single point, and in not in particular order of preference)
4. ICE-T "O.G."
6. PIXIES* "Dolittle" (*allow yourself a half point PER Frank Black solo album as a bonus.)
7. PUBLIC ENEMY "It Takes a Nation of Millions"
8. RANCID "And Out Come the Wolves"
9. THE THE "Dusk"
10. THE CLASH "1977"
11. FAITH NO MORE "Angel Dust"
12. LOVAGE "Music to Make Love to Your Old Lady By"
13. URSULA 1000 "Kinda Kinky"
14. RAMONES "Brain Drain"
15. PRIMUS "Frizzle Fry"
16. TOM WAITS "Big Time"
17. SEX PISTOLS "Never Mind the Bullocks"
18. WHITE ZOMBIE ... uh, I forget the name of the album. One point (max) awarded to any (and all) White Zombie Albums
19. CYPRESS HILL "Black Sunday"
20. THE CULT "The Cult."

OKAY... tally your results. Scoring is as followed.
0-1: You are the lowest form of humanity on the face of the Earth. You are pure scum. Go hang your head in shame, you miserable dunderhead.
2-6: Still not much hope for you. I bet your DVD collection is lame as hell, too.
7-10: You are starting to approach cool, though you still have miles and miles to go. Likely, whatever little coolness you have will be recognized posthumously.
11-14: You are cool, but still wearing training wheels.
15-16: You are dope, approaching fly.
17: This is an abberation. You're STILL an asshole. Either get rid of one of your albums, or buy another one, quick!
18-20: You are fit to stand in the presence of Layman.
21-23: Truly, you are a rock god, and a man among men.

The eternal battle continues

fightin' fools
Originally uploaded by themightylayman.
Ol' Reggie just will just NOT learn.

Don't mess with The Bat!

Saturday, November 13, 2004

Poppin' Bustahs since 1967

Today is my birthday. I've have been treated to a surprise trip to Cana-duh.

Other presents included the Hoth edition of the Lego Millenium Falcon and the complete book of New Yorker cartoos. Am I the only person who thinks New Yorker cartoons are laugh-out-loud funny?

Still, God has a way of keeping you humble, even on this momentus day. The first thing that happened to me after I woke up: Reggie BIT me! Little bastard!

Friday, November 12, 2004

Justice, Layman stylee

So, Scott Peterson was found guilty. I'm amazed, given how stupid most people are. Seems to me that all you need is one stupid person on a jury, and stupid people aren't exactly in short supply. I mean, all defense attorneys do is lie. They could say, "well, a martian could have come down on the night in question and killed Laci." And while that technically could have happened, no reasonable person would think it did. But there are far too many idiots out there willing to believe defense attorney lies. No matter how preposterous they are.

For the record, I don't believe in "beyond a reasonable doubt." I believe if "is it likely?" In fact, even if Scott Peterson is innocent, I think he should fry just for being a lying ass who appeared to be guilty. The guy is scum. He doesn't deserve to live.

Other Layman legal opinions: O.J. was TOTALLY guilty, and Rodney King DESERVED to get beat.

Layman will rock you

Your marching orders for the day:

1. Go to Alicedonut.com
2. Go to "Music"
3. Go to the album "Buckets of Sickness and Horror in an Otherwise Meaningless Life"
4. Turn up your volume FULL FREAKIN' BLAST!!!!!!
5. And then press the tenth song; "Bucket Fork Pock" (Actually, press the grey square to the right of the song title)

Congratulations, puss. You've just taken the first step in learning how to ROCK, Layman stylee.

Bollah fools... or ballzah fluff?

Originally uploaded by themightylayman.
Reggie vs. Batty... U decide!

Thursday, November 11, 2004

What is a Bollah fool?

A bolla fool is the whack-ass niggaz what been pimping yay to the homies on Grove St. My advice is to peel a cap in any bollah fool you see--or any other bustah!

Not on my iPod

Here's another band you won't find on my iPod: Radiohead.

I know that everybody thinks they are so great. They are even supposed to be comic writer Alan Moore's favorite band. But every song of theirs I've heard I actively dislike. Kim says they are "Pink Floyd for the 21st Century," but I think not. This morning a song was on the radio, and I swear to God I thought it was U2, so of course I projectile vomited. Later, I found out it was Radiohead, which was just as bad. Bleggggh.

I love my iPod

Music that makes me happiest when it shows up on shuffle: Ice T.

Right now I got 1873 songs and still have 11 gigs of space left. Still, I wish wish wish I would have bought the 40 gig, then I'd be set for life.

And guess what? Out of 1873 songs, not a single one is by the Beatles. I HATE the Beatles.

Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Layman Movie Review: City of God

Netflixed City of God last night. I had a few people tell me how great the movie was, but I forget who. Sorta a mob story set in the Brazilian slums. Really captivating, from start to finish. Kim liked it too, and she hates everything.

Also watched Law and Order SUV last night. I always like it when there is some evil little kid who gets away with murder. Only this time, he didn't because Kyle McLaughlin killed the little bastard. Man, Kyle sure has aged since I last saw him on Sex and the City. He's starting to look like "Aged Agent Cooper" from the red room in those dream sequences of Twin Peaks. Another case of life imitating art!

In the interest of fairness

Originally uploaded by themightylayman.
Here are pictures of the other two kitties that live in my house; Bumble Buzz and Batty

Reggie and Rufus

Reggie and Rufus
Originally uploaded by themightylayman.
Kitty pictures. First in a series of, oh... A BILLION!

Wecome to the Jungle, pt. 2

I think the last thing the world needs is another idiot blogger, but nonetheless I'm going to join their ranks. Mostly, I'm just gonna use this as a platform to talk about my cats, what movies I've been seeing, what shows I'm watching, news and politics, music, stuff like that. I might mention a comic book I'm excited about, but probably won't diss crappy comic books, because A.) There are far too many crappy comics out there and B.) I'd likely be dissing either a friend or a company I would like to work for.

Anyway, my current game is Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. My man Carl Johnson is trying to nail the drug dealers that set up his brother and is in San Fierro, which is basically San Francisco. I'm betting it will be a good two weeks before I make it to the third city, which is basically Vegas.

Oh, and I Netflixed The Ladykillers last week, and enjoyed the hell out of it. Much better a movie than I would have thought from the reviews. Still, I wonder if it will be increasingly funny with repeat viewings, like Big Lebowski

Welcome to the Jungle

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