Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Lego Dino Attack Addendum

This is really interesting.

If you go to the Lego Web Site (like I do every hour,) you'll notice there are both America versions of the Dino Attack Sets and European versions. In the US, it is called Dino ATTACK, and features "mutant" dinosaurs that the little lego guys must take down with weapons on their vehicles.

However, the European version is called Dino 2010 and the vehicles are equipped with cages and nets to CAPTURE --NOT kill-- the dinosaurs. So, I'm wondering, what does it say about American culture that we need to give our dinosaurs super-powers and then hunt them to extinction again?

Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Monday, November 28, 2005

Layman Movie Review: ROBOTS

Beautiful dogshit. That's the short review.

The longer review: A really nice looking computer animated movie that was dopey as all hell. Clearly, computer animation has advanced to the point where any idiot can do it. And, in this case, they have.

I don't understand why nobody but Pixar understands how to make a decent feature-length cartoon, but the freakin' dopes who did Robots (and A Shark's Tale, for that matter,) don't have a clue.

After seeing Shark's Tale, I sorta knew what to expect, a bunch of dumb puns abouts robots and machines instead of fish and seafood. And where Shark's Tale tried to be edgy and urban (clearly most of the fish in lead roles except for the sharks were supposed to be "black fish,") Robots is just dumb and directionless. I mean, who on Earth still thinks Robin William's riff-on-everything-a-mile-a-minute is funny? It hasn't been funny for 15 years, and to be honest, it wasn't really funny even back then.

Another thing that really made me sick was the "message" of this movie, which was twofold. The first one is: if you just have a kid, you will be happy, and it's the greatest goal people can aspire to is to procreate. Frickin' yawn! The other is the old corporate cliche, about how if you work really hard and are passionate, you'll eventually triumph against the soulless Capitalism moneygrubbers that don't give a damn about the workers. Bullshit. Chances are, if you have a job at a large company, you will eventually be crushed. A great majority of everyone my age or younger is going to lose their pension (if indeed they have one in the first place) and get old eating ramen and dog food, while rich assholes become richer assholes. Isn't that, after all, why Republicans keep getting elected? Because most people aspire to be a rich asshole? All of this sends a terrible message to kids. Namely, there is hope for you and your future. Wake up, you little brats... you are fucked, just like everybody else in this foul country. (I told you... the hate is back.)

Anyway, this movie was insulting and obvious and dumb, though it definitely had some pretty visuals. I watched it on double speed, like I watch all lousy movies, and I even had to forward it to 4x. See it at your own risk: It will poison your mind.

Sunday, November 27, 2005

Layman movie Review: CRASHNOLIA

Crash was a damn good movie.

But... it was freakin' Magnolia. It was the same movie, more or less. Big cast, all interacting and intersecting, with a healthy dose of coincidence and a weird and/or unlikely occurrance at the end. The difference, of course, is theme, and where Magnolia sorta dealth with regret and "sins of the past," Crash takes a look a race, and basically concludes we're all prejudice assholes in some form or another, but we can be decent one-on-one or with or to the people we love.

Still, of the two, I prefer Crash. I got Magnolia as a gift DVD a couple Christmasses back, and it is too shrill to hold up over repeat viewings. The Julianne Moore character is unwatchable, she is so screeching and annoying, and Tom Cruise has only gotten worse as you realize his "I'm a frothing nutbag" shtick is not really an act. Of course, the Amee Mann music was nice.

Crash was much more low key than Magnolia, and as a whole I liked the cast better (especially Don Cheadle, who I've loved since his days on Picket Fences.) Sandra Bullock, who I can't stand anyways, essentially plays the unwatchable Julianna Moore part, but at least she has less screen time. And I thought Ludacris has really charm and screen presence. Anyway, both my roommate and I watched the movie, without fast forewarding it once, and afterwords we both turned to one another and agreed it was a damn good movie. Lemme tell you, that don't happen too much.

Next reviews up: Robots, Alice & Darkness Light Darkness, and Godzilla Giant Monsters All-Out Attack.

Also upcoming: All about my Xbox 360, more Layman Lego Project, my Christmas list, an announcement about my new comics gig, and Proof Your Are A Shithead If You Remotely Support George Bush.

Friday, November 25, 2005

Tanned, rested and ready

Well, look for regular blogging to begin again tomorrow. I came back from Japan and had three scripts and a video game level to write, and that sorta sapped all the energy out of me. But I'm done, even though I've got NEW scripts to write (mainly because Sentinel Squad artist Aaron Lopresti is insanely fast-- I can barely keep up.)

So anyway, since Japan, I've also gone on this insane excersize regimen, losing around 17 lbs., which has also been taking a lot of my time.

Now, I'm sitting in a Starbucks in my home town of Yuba City, after another miserable visit home. (Miserably primarily because my dad has Alzheimer's and is at a point where you can almost SEE his brains seeping out of his head.)

Anyway, the LAYMAN '05 BLOG OMNIBUS starts in earnest tomorrow, where I shall catch you up on all wisdom I've acquired in the past month. A word of warning: That 17 lbs. I lost seemed to hold all of my "jolliness reserves," so expect a LOT of bitterness and bile.

See ya soon, suckahs!


Thursday, November 17, 2005

Friday, November 11, 2005

I just haven't been in the mood to blog lately

I dunno. I've had a lot of scripts due, and have been excersizing like crazy, and have not had much to say.

While you wait for me to get inspired, here's a picture of the cutest little angel in the entire world, Reginald James Bucket, being groomed by Batty Ray Ruggles.

Doesn't he look super cute and happy? The poor stupid creature has NO idea how dark and terrible the world really is.

But I do. Oh, how I do!


Monday, November 07, 2005

Layman movie Review: THE FUGGETABOUTIT

Dude, this movie totally suffers from bad casting. If I were the casting director I would have absolutely gone a different direction and got somebody like Danny Aiello (whatever happened to that guy?) or maybe the guy who played "Big Pussy" Bompansaro to play the Julianne Moore part.

So anyway, Julianne Moore plays this "reputed" mob boss, whose son, a future mob enforcer, is inexplicably missing and, for some strange reason, everybody is pretending not to remember he exists. Anthony Edwards is in it, playing another mob capo, and, man, is he looking old (does anybody remember that 1980s pre-Revenge of the Nerds teen sex comedy with Linda Fiorintino and Anthony Edwards, where she's a spy he fell in love with? What was that called? Anybody?) Anyway, stupid mob boss Julianna Moore befriends another lowlife neighbor "from the neighborhood," whose daughter turned stoolie, and also disappeared. For the next 127 minutes Julianne Moore just goes from person to person axing people if they have seen her young son. And everybody she ax shakes their head and answers, "Hey Julianne... fuggetaboutit!!" Then Julianne Moore, who is supposed to be this big, tough, hard-as-nails mob boss, either runs away or starts crying or starts screaming.


Friday, November 04, 2005

This is my pledge to you

The next mother fucking clerk who tries to sneak a Canadian penny in with the rest of my change is going to get their mother fucking face smashed in!!!!

Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Another ghost of Halloween Past: Halloween '99

Zombie Picachu with, uh, Undead Consort.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

The ghosts of Halloween past

Marge Simpson with Fat Elvis.