Two more lucky contestants! Laymamerican Idol starts tomorrow!

WEEK ZERO: TWO MORE LOVELY CONTESTANTS.

I got two more people to list for our earth-shattering Laymamerican Idol Competition, and judging by your blogs, competition is getting fierce.

Remember: Tomorrow we shall, evaluate.. and eLaymanate!


Da new kids on the block:



John Oak Dalton emailed me out of he blue yesterday, demanding to be a part of this blog, and assuring me he could put all you pansy-ass bitches to shame. His creatively titled blog, John Oak Dalton has its own admittedly poorly drawn comic (which seems pretty cool) and the guy likes B-movies. He also has a pretty cool name, so let's set his odds at:
Odds: 7-1

Dan Randlett's bizzarely titled The Though The Ap should have been included yesterday, but I misplaced the email. He likes Social Distortion, which makes him pretty good in my book.
Odds: 8-1

Remember, tomorrow, LAYMAMERICAN IDOL starts in earnest. All will be evaluated. One --possibly even two-- will be eLAYMANated!

Carry on.

more Laymamerica idol contestants...competition begins in two days!!

WEEK ZERO: MORE GRIST FOR THE MILL.

Hey! Four more people have breathlessly DEMANDED to be a part of tihs new phenomena sweeping the internets... Laymamerican idol!

Return to tune in this Thursday --and every Thursday-- as our contestants are evaluated... and every week, one shall be eLaymanated!!!!

Da new kids on the block:



Hannibal Tabu has threatened to "carve out my pancreas" next time he sees me. He always wears a hat, sings karaoke, and is not afraid to proclaim often and vocally about his many dalliances with porn stars and supermodels. He also is a comics reviewer, and regular readers of this blog --and, admit it, that's every one of you, isn't it-- are familiar with his monthly mushy gushing about how great a writer The Layman is. Conflict of interest? Oh, hell yeah. Still, because of all these factors (except, uh, the part about the pancreas, the hat and the karaoke,) Hannibal has terrific odds, and is expected to go far. Perhaps he's even a wringer. His blog; The Operative Network; Soapbox
Odds: 4-1

Mary E, aka Mary Brickthrower aka Mary the Wretched aka Sadie Hex is one of the few females in this competition, other than Maki Yamane, Darlene Alilain, Information Overload , and Eric DeSantis. I once saw her down NINE back-to-back Kamikaze shots. Mary was mad that I gave her a hard time that Kamikaze's aren't real shots --and they aren't. However, they are probably the equivilant of 5 shots, and considering she drank them first thing in the evening, continued to drink, and was still standing at the end of the night (where I was wobbling,) she deserves big props in the hardcore chick department. She also has a cute little kitty that looks like my Reggie. Normally, all this would give her blog, How The Wretched Live great odds. However, stupid Reggie has been peeing on a section of our carpeted stairway lately, so, sadly, this will count against Mary.
Odds: 7-1



Hmm. I'm not sure Rich Amtower even wanted to include his Christian Martyr blog in this competition. Then again, neither did that insane Christian fucker, and I included him, so why should Rich get off the hook. He doesn't update very often though.
Odds: 9-1

Scott Robin"s All Ages blog spends a lot of time talking about comic book (comics for all ages, as the name may suggest.) He's a total stranger for now, and... hmmm, could it be that he doesnt' exactly know what he's getting into when signing up for this competition. But let's give him the benifit of the doubt. He's gotta be more interesting than Neal, right?
Odds: 10-1

And, finally, There is Digio's As Mayor of This Town. It seems to be the hyperactive musings of a marginally sane Canadian. And that's all a good thing (except for the Canadian part!) Anyway, let's see how this cat stands up against the HEAVY competition.
Odds: 6-1

Remember...tune in Thursday, for evaluation... and eLaymanation!

The Layman Lego Project

first in a series, as I spotlight the billion-odd Lego sets I have.

These WERE available for download at Yahoo Photos, but it turns out Yahoo Photos SUCK ASS, so I'm going back to trusty ol' Flickr. So you can go there and download these as your new computer wallpaper. You know you want to.

This week: From Lego's 2001 LIFE ON MARS SERIES:

I bought these two albums yesterday

Perhaps buying albums is not a big deal to you, but I am so old and set in my ways, musically, this is worth mentioning.

Buck 65 is the better album of the two, sorta Beck meets Tom Waits singing Johnny Cash. Rondo Brothers is more like Hawaiian rap, with eukele and slide guitar and stuff like that. It gets a little old by the end of the album, but it's perfect to still on the iPod and have it come up randomly as part of the Shuffle feature,



By the way, I first discovered these bands last week, when Tom Peyer and my roommate when to see Handsome Boy Modeling School at the Showbox.

Balcony eye for little cute guy

DSCN0886
Originally uploaded by themightylayman.

Reggie in action!

Layman movie review: The GrudgeUPDATED, PART 2

My "roommate" was making cupcakes last night while I drank myself into a stupor and watched The Grudge.

And the cupcakes are pretty freakin' good, so I should probably take back the comment where I call her "wussy-ass." I wish these Blogger posts had an "edit" function!

Layman movie review: The Grudge

Hot damn! I really liked this movie. I had to watch it on my own, because my "roommate" is too wussy-ass, and, in retrospect, it's probably best I did, because I can't remember a movie that was so solidly skin-crawlingly creepy. In fact, it got so scary that every so often I had to pause the DVD and flip it over to Sean Hannity on Fox News, just so I could remind myself that bile spewing Nazi fuckholes are much more frightening in real life than fictional blue-skin, bloody-eyed, black-mouth Japanese kids.

A few observations about the movie, or tangentally pertaining to the movie:

1.) Sarah Michelle Gellar is a damn good actress. Anybody who watches Buffy the Vampire Slayer with any regularity can tell you that, (especially Season 6 when she and the rest of the cast are put through all sorts of hell and relentless misery.) I got on the Buffy bandwagon late, Netflixing the DVDs season by season. It's pretty damn good, too, especially once they get past the monster-of-the-week stuff in the early season and a half. Every time I flipped past Buffy and saw those corny-ass fights I just assumed the show would be lame, but when you see the entire show, and everything in context, it's pretty damn good. And Sarah Michelle Gellar, as I said, is a damn fine actress. Of course, she doesn't do much in The Grudge other than act petrified by fear. Not only that, I was suprised it is not even really a Sarah Michelle Gellar movie. There are suprisingly long periods where she is not even in it. And her story doesn't really pick up until about 50 minutes in. I suppose she just got top billing because she is the biggest star, and she survives 'til the end (BELATED SPOILER WARNING!!!)

2.) Japanese horror movies are better than American horror movies (kinda like how Japanese cars are better than American cars, which suck ass.) Even American remakes seem better than U.S. made ones. I think because they concentrate on creepiness instead of splatter. I dunno. Feel free to recommend some good Japanese and foreign horror flicks for me to put on the Ol' Netflix cue. (Thanks, playah!)

3.) I do have one complaint about the movie, but this is really more of a complaint in general about modern horror movies. They simply CAN'T end any more without that last final minute scare. In the case of this movie, and many others like it, it doesn't so much end as stop. If Sarah Michelle Gellar goes through all this shit to survive attacks by these creepy ghost things and then at the very last minute of the movie gets attacked by a creepy ghost thing, that is NOT a fucking end. That is simply the movie coming to a halt. And, while it gives you that final scare, from a story perspective, it really fucking sucks. Still, I guess if you go by scare and creepy quotiant it was pretty good. Shit, I see on Amazon there is a director's cut. Wonder how different it is.

Anyway, I liked this movie.

Rejoice! LAYMAMERICAN IDOL™ is here!

WEEK ZERO: THE PRELIMINARIES.



Welcome to the long-promised debut of Laymamerican Idol™ (previously titled Blogmerican Idol, but the name was changed because Laymamerican has a more effervescent ring to it.)

Here are the rules: This is a competition to see who gets a coveted spot on the "OTHER COOL PLACES" links section to this blog. Every Thursday contenders will be evaluated, based solely on how entertaining the previous week's worth of blogging was, based on my capricious arbitrariness, and votes in the comments section (votes must be accompanied by a short explanation of who you want to keep or remove, like a "Neal sucks," or "Neal is boring" comment.) Each Friday morning the votes will be tallied and somebody's sorry ass will get the boot.

Please note: At this point, these are just preliminary contenders. If you would like your blog to be added to this list, scroll to the bottom of this post for details.

Good luck, my children, and god bless you one and all!



The William Hung of this competition, Neal Pozner's blog of sage commentary is named The Wind, for that is what he breaks if he even has the slighest bit of cheese in his diet. His blog kinda sucks, but because of the innate hilarity to be mined from a blog entitled The Wind, expect this contender to go a long way.
Odds: 4-1

Famed comic book colorist David Baron is surely the Ruben Studderd of this competition, with his My Zombies blog. Baron is the heir-apparent to the Layman throne, which gives him a huge leg-up on the competition. However, he doesn't update often, and he has TERRIBLE taste in movies, so that will ultimately count against him.
Odds: 3-1

Darlene Alilain, is our first and only dual contender, with a blog on general stuff, Burning Kitchen, and a much less interesting one about her damn pet lizard, Ollie Hearts Crickets. I like Darlene, but I don't particularly like lizards, so you can bet unless she comes up with something wildly entertaining, she is soon to be shown the door. Her other blog has more reasonable odds.
Odds: 19-1 (lizard blog); 6-1 (normal blog)



The Rude Pundit is the odds-on favorite for winning this competition. Smart, insightful, mean, and correct, not to mention laced with obscenity, I look forward to this blog every time it is updated. A safe bet, to be sure.
Odds: 2-1

Maki Yamane's blog, Trauma Queen gets special mention, and boosted odds, because Maki set me up with some software recently that has totally changed my life. Yeah, one of the perks of being the sole judge of this competition is that favoritism counts. Unfortunately, I have a short memory when it comes to gratitude, so look for the odds to grow increasingly longer as the "what have you done for me lately" factor kicks in, or if Maki spends too much time talking about obnoxious goth music which bores me to tears.
Odds: 6-1

Information Overload has spent a lot of time on the "On Probation" part of this site, and has really yet to distinguish itself. Also, the moderator of that blog can be surly and disrespectful of your beloved narrator of this blog. Still, let's hope this blogger has an attitude adjustment when she learns she has a chance to win the esteemed Laymamerican Idol™ competion.
Odds: 5-1



An hilarious blog, Marcus' The Long and the Short of It is a scathing satire of red-state mentality, as it parrots the most grotesque and reprehensible talking points from Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh and Anne Culter. This blog contains HYSTERICAL bits of detail, such as "I'm from Alabama" and "I read the Bible every day." Priceless!
Odds: 5-1

I enjoy James Nadiger's blog, I Blame the Internet. I think it is charming. James bitches about his health, and his job, and he likes kitties. He also always has all these weird tests, like "find out what kind tree you would be," and shit like that. He doesn't update much, and his blog isn't exactly electric. Still, I'll give him dark horse odds of:
Odds: 5-1

Eric DeSantis, long rumored to be dead, has started a blog called Litany of Schist, especially so he could participate in this contest. Eric has bad taste in comics, loves fish, and is a bit of a cornball. Also, most people believe he is not long for this world. Expect a new obituary to bump him out of the competition in the early rounds.
Odds: 12-1



Not that I watch American Idol, but early in every season they feature somebody fat and/or stupid and/or ugly and/or talentless, whose appearance is strictly for laughs. My arch enemy, Brian Perez is such a person (as well as having all the previously mentioned deficiencies.) In fact, he recently shut down his web site, Logic and Nausea and sent me a fawning email admitting that he is far too inferior to even exist on the same internets as the cherished "bollah blog." He will undoubtedly be the first to go. He is our sacrificial lamb, our lame duck, our fatted calf. And these farm animal analogies are especially appropriate for Brian, as that is all he ever has sex with.
Odds: A billion, trillion, grillion, gazillion to one. Over my fuckin' dead body this guy will win!

Not precisely a blog, but Paul Horn's Cool Jerk web comic bears mentioning. Send Paul an email at mrhorn@cooljerk.com, and find out just how fun marginally amusing entertainment can be. (Uh, I'm probably gonna start a section for webcomics and comic collaborators no matter who wins the competition, so Paul and Owen don't really count. Still, I'm going to keep them as part of the Laymamerican Idol™ competition, if only to make fun of them on a weekly basis.)
Odds: 14-1, because his web comic is not really applicable.

Owen Giani is a Canadian. Despite that, we have been collaborating on a super-secret comic book we are going to pitch soon. He's almost got a full-issue in the can, and it looks great, so I'd be remiss if I did not mention his three-times-a-week Sore Thumbs. He's got a pretty versatile art style, as the thing we are working on together is drawn in a completely different style than his web comic.
Odds: 14-1, 'cause Owen is pretty much in the same boat as Paul Horn.


Please note: If YOU would like to be featured in

you have until Wednesday, April 13 to send me an email with your URL to themightylayman@comcast.net, and I will include you in an update.

Stay tuned!

A cry for help

Does anybody know how to post Javascript on Blogger? I'd like to add the Iraqi Body Count to this blog, but I can't freaking figure out how.

why doesn't this code work? What am I doing wrong?:

[script type="text/Javascript" script src="http://home.comcast.net/~themightylayman/IBC/ibc144.js"] [/script]

(yeah, i realize the brackets are wrong, i just change them so I could post this.)

POPE'S DEATHBED CONFESSION: I LOVE THIS BLOG

Hey, it looks like this blog as racked up another celebrity endorsement. His Holiness, bless his soul, just before he departed, grabbed the nearest laptop and got on IM to declare to me that he finds this blog to be "heavenly."

Not quite as cool as Julia Stiles endorsement, but a close runner up.

You are all DOOMED! DOOMED, I say! This Layman swears!

The cover to my new comics project, FANTASTIC FOUR: HOUSE OF M, coming in July. Three issues, with spectacular art by Scott Eaton.

(click on image for bigger version)

Finally, I have a reason for living:

The Lego Star Wars game for PS2 actually makes Lucas' prequel trilogy bearable. I played through the entire Phantom Menace yesterday in one 4.5 hour sitting.

The happiest girl in the world: March 30, 2002-March 30, 2005

What's it like to live in a state of perpetual, full-tilt, non-stop ecstacy for three enitre years? Why, just ask this pretty lady.

Try to imagine what she is thinking at this very moment:

"OMG, this is the greatest moment of my life."

"Now I will finally find out why they call him the EROTIC Layman."

"I must be the luckiest gal in the whole wide world!"

And so on.

Anyway, Happy Anniversary to John and Kim Layman. Long may you reign!

The Triumphant Return: Layman back with a Vengeance

Sorry about the delay, O My Children. I was pretty burned from finishing that Activision video game, and had to write Gambit #12 and Fantastic Four: House of M #1, and take a writing test to write another video game for an unbelievably huge video game company. Anyway, you sad-ass punk bitches have had to pay the price, and I figure it's high time to talley up the votes and give ya'll the blog you've been dreaming about. So I've added up, all the hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of votes, and here's what you get:

BECAUSE YOU DEMANDED IT:

A LAYMAN MOVIE REVIEW:

BRIDGETTE SNAPS 2



Okay, full disclosure: this movie is actually called Ginger Snaps 2, not Bridgette Snaps 2, but I call it Bridgette Snaps because in the movie, uh... duh... Bridgette snaps. This is the sequel (obviously) to Ginger Snaps, but Ginger is killed at the ended of the movie (BELATED SPOILER WARNING!!!) so this is all about her twitchy-ass sister Bridgette, and Ginger just shows up for a bit in flashback, in an apparent attempt to justify the movie title.

Ginger Snaps, and Ginger Snaps (Bridgette Snaps!) 2 and, I'm guessing, Ginger Snaps 3 (on my Netflix cue) are about teenager girls who become werewolves and kick white-boy ass. Ginger Snaps 1 was pretty good, I thought Ginger Snaps (Bridgette Snaps!) 2 was better. The sequel has this creepy little girl who is just awesome as a supporting character, a little brace-face who is creepy and funny and dorky at the same time. These are Canadian horror movies, which is probably an oxymoron. Everybody is super polite and pale and pasty. Even the werewolves say "Please" and "If I may" before eating anybody. They curtsey delicately and before they eat anybody they place the corpses on lace doileys and dinner place settings.

Funny story about these movies: I heard about them at the last day of San Digeo Con last year. I was up all night popping crazy pills and nearly killed myself with drugs and alcohol –rock star style– on the last day of the convention. I was hung over as I could possibly be, and not feeling particularly social. I hate people ANYWAY, but I was on the plane and some old guy, with his grandchild sitting between us, struck up and conversation. And he was actually cool. I had a great conversation with this guy, batting back movie recommendations and discussions about books and stuff like that. He was damn cool, though, in retrospect, maybe he was a bit odd for digging all these movies (his little grandchild, surprisingly well adjusted for a little kid, and I generally hate kids, had also seen all these Rated R horror movies, and he was, like, 7 or 8.) Anyway, this old dude recommended Ginger Snaps and I put it on my Netflix cue, and eventually got around to seeing the movies. I liked 'em. I mean, they aren't great, but better than most of the crap playing at the Cineplex at the moment.

The old dude and I exchanged phone numbers, and he sent me an email later, a polite follow up. I ended up blowing it off, like I do a dangerous percentage of my emails. I'm really bad that way (so if I've ignored your emails, don't take offense.) I kinda wish I would have kept up with that old man... he was pretty cool.

Rock on, you old fucker!

Oh, hell yeah, mutha fucker!

DEUS EX MOUSENA: Turns out Mr. BoDuckets chewed through the electric-chair power cord, sacrificing his life for mine.

Because I am only a dangerous felon and likely a depraved sexual predator, I have been released on my own recognicen-- recog-- recognisin-- fuck it-- I had to promise to be good! Fortunately, I didn't have any pot on me when I was arrested, or else they would have locked me up and thrown away the key.

Anyway, regular blogging will resume momentarily. First, let's take a moment to remember the Sainted Mr. BoDuckets.



Now, back to the pimp shit: I'm way behind on Blogging, and have a LOT that needs be said. I need your help, so please take the
JOHN LAYMAN INTERACTIVE BOLLAH BLOG CHALLENGE.

I will blog based on YOUR requests, and prioritize blogs in order of what YOU DEMAND. Here we go. Please leave a comment casting your vote about you want me to blog about. Unlike America in the year 2000, majority vote rules.

Potential blog subjects:
1.) A dynamic new cat picture. (Spoiler warning: potentially too cute for words.)
2.) Terrible, devastating news about Rufus
3.) A new obituary for Eric DeSantis
4.) An insiteful Layman movie reivew
5.) An angry blog about that Brian Perez, an idiot crushed under the enormous weight of his own fat head.
6.) "Blogmerican Idol," my next inane ratings stunt
7.) A Terry Shiavo parody. (Warning, might include jokes about Tom B. Long wrongly inserting his own "feeding tube.")
8.) A boring post about books. No, dillrod, not comic books. Books. Yawn.
9.) Your own half-assed write-in vote.

Vote today. Remember, just like Ohio, multiple votes count. Unless you are black or gay, that is, or otherwise undesirable.

From Bad to Worse

I guess it was bad timing to tell that judge I was going to bust a cap in his fat ass.



*gasp* Could this be the end of Kid Layman™?

No blogging for a while

Mutha fuckin' pigs got me in lockdown for carving up a snitch.







My only friend, in this god-forsaken hellhole?: Mr. BoDuckets.

The Downward Spiral: Day Four

Unable to make bail, I simply learn to make due.

And after 18 hours in the hoosegow, there isn't a single mutha fucka in Cell Block C who isn't my bitch. But I guess that doesn't surprise anyone.

Still, I've managed to do something that hasn't been done in King County Correctional in more than 18 years. I've managed to unite the entire general population: the Aryans, the brothers, the vatos, the bangers-- even the straight-out psychos. They're all standing together now, united --IN FEAR! Even the guards know better to mess with Kid Layman™.

Anyway, here's me and my home-slice, Shank, after doing some bench-presses in the yard during our exercise hour. Gotta run. Some punk-ass just looked at me funny. That fool needs to get cut.

The Downward Spiral: Layman's Week of Freedom, Day Three

I gotta make this quick, as they tell me I only get either one phone call or one blog.


Things sorta took a turn for the worse yesterday. I woke up in the bathtub, caked in dried vomit, wearing no pants. There were a couple of passed-out truckers on the floor next to me, and the living room window was broken, from when we tossed the fish tank. So far, so good, right?

Except what I forgotten, as I snorted up the last of "Soggy" Pete's party supplies, were the repeated noise complaints from my fucknut neighbors. I suppose going outside, smashing their window and lighting their car on fire was a bad idea.


Anyway, anybody know a good bail bondsman?

The Downward Spiral: Layman's Week of Freedom, Day One

My "roommate" is out of town for an entire eight long miserable days. I thought it might help pass the time if I kept an online diary of my events of the week. People are always asking me what the life of a world-famous comic book writer is like, so what better time than this than to share it with you, my dear, dear reader.

8:37 A.M.: The Early Bird
Leap out of bed to the chirping of spring robins, greeting a new day with song in my heart and a spring in my step.

10:37 A.M.: Drop roommate off at airport
I kiss my roomate goodbye, tell her how much I love her, and will miss her. It is going to be a difficult 8 days. I am already counting the minutes until her return.



11:12 A.M.: Stabbed by prostitute
Negociations were unsatifying for both parties, and I should have known better to let anybody into my car before agreeing on a price. Before I knew it she –if indeed she was a she– had a switchblade out and was demanding all of my money. I managed to get the passenger door open, and kick her out, but not before she jabbed me a couple times in the shoulder. It hurts like hell, but I managed to keep ahold of my wallet.
There are other fish in the sea, honey!

11:28 A.M.: Score!!!
Was able to procure a lid of primo black tar skag from some pock-faced greaseball in the University District. It probably would have been a better idea not to sample the product until I got home, because my judgment was pretty impaired, and I was whacked out of gourd by the time I reached the
11:45 A.M.: Liquor Store
Thank god for my roommate! She left her credit card behind and I was able to use it to run up a $187 tab at the liquor store. Shit, you'd be amazed how much booze you can buy if you stick to generic labels.

12:22 P.M.: Party in Progress
I called up my recently paroled drinking buddy "Soggy" Pete and he said he knew some girls he could invite over to my pad. One of them is an amputee, so I figure she would come cheap. Not so! Turns out she's the most expensive of the three. Go figure.

I was feeling pretty crazy after talking to Pete, guzzling straight vodka and washing it down with pineapple rum. Anyway, I invited the entire bus stop over, and now you better not be knockin' 'cause this fuckin' place is ROCKING!

There's some old guy with a beard in an army jacket named Artie says he knows how to get an entire blotter of high-grade squeak, at a really reasonable price, or maybe even trade for our DVD player. I told him to go for it.



Well, that's all for now. I'll update you later, and I'd like to tell you some of the crazy stories Artie has been telling me, but I'm so freaking high and drunk right now I can barely see straight. Plus, my drink is empy and I think one of the guys from the bus stop has blocked up the toilet again.
Party on, dudes!

cioa!

Big Week for the Layman

Sorry there's been no blogging for the last couple of days, my slobbering devotees, but I had to wrap up a pretty critical video game writing job, then I had to par-tay in celebration of it being done. Couple other things to celebrate, too, including two Layman comic releases this Wednesday:

ON SALE NOW:
Gambit; HOUSE OF CARDS TPB, collecting issue #1-#6


ALSO ON SALE NOW:
Gambit #8


As always, I'll post reviews in a couple of days once they hit.

Couple other things: My domination over the internets continues, at the comic book news site NEWSARAMA, with an article about Gambit, as well as a press release about Puffed. Yay!

Biff! Pow! Comics aren't for kids anymore!

A special preview page of the upcoming Mo' Puffed story, a new story in IDW's upcoming Unauthorized Puffed Movie Adaptaion TPB. Have you ordered yours yet?

(Clickee for the biggee image)

(Art by David "Gonad Goliath" Crosland.)

Get ready to LAUGH and LAUGH and LAUGH

Separated at birth? (Warning: Hold on to your funny bone!!)

This and this.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Layman movie review: The Village

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday, but I was busy puking my guts out, and trying to push my brain back through my ears, as some grey matter leaked out when I watched the criminally stupid M. Night Shamalama movie THE VILLAGE. What a wretchedly stupid movie.

Here's the twist: THE VILLAGE IS NOT SET IN THE PAST. That is, it looks like a Puritan sort of society set hundreds of years ago, but it's not. It's set in the present, though M. Night ShamalamaShitForBrains takes great pains to mislead you into thinking otherwise.

And, hey, if you're even remotely pissed at me for giving this away, don't be. I just did you a huge favor. The script is ham fisted and awkward. Everythign about it is painfully obvious, and stupid M. Night Shamalama continues to confused a molasses-slow pace with suspense. Even worse, that fucker clearly thinks he's Hitchcock, and finds some "clever" way to give himself a cameo.

This guy is overrated, and clearly in severe need of an ass-kicking. SIX SENSE was good, but I'm sensing it was a fluke. A lot of people in the world of comics like UNBREAKABLE, because it was a comics origin deconstruction, but it, too, was slow as all hell, and does not hold up over repeat viewings. His next effort, SIGNS, was just pure fucking crap. Clearly, M. Night Shamalama has built his rep on "needing a twist," and the whole idea that aliens would be repelled by water ON A FARM is freaking ridiculous. Surely this freakin' moron has heard of condensation... morning dew? That aliens who die when touched by water would hide out in a crop of corn totally does not hold up to logic.

Well, THE VILLAGE is even stupider, and M. Night Shamalama clearly will go to any lengths to provide a twist, no matter how fucking stupid it is. THE VILLAGE isn't a movie, it's an episode of the Twilight Zone, stretched into an interminable two-hour length.

You're been warned.

Diary of a Mad Black Woman?

Here's my most recent bio, taken from the upcoming Puffed TPB (click on either for the bigger version... duh!):

The iPod just officially jumped the shark

What's the only thing stupider and more asinine than a U2 Special Edition iPod?



That's right: A Revenge of the Sith Special Edition iPod. Take my word for it... it's coming soon:


Ug... and the only thing more crappy than that would be a Beatles iPod. We can only pray the remaining members of that crap-ass band die before Paul Macarthy can whore himself out any further.

Remember, you read it here first. Unless, that is, you read it at rebelscum.com

Unbelievable but true

Ok, so most people who visit this site I'm sure are aware I write a comic book for Marvel called Gambit, which is the solo monthly adventures of an X-Men character.

Well, it's one thing that there are various site completely devoted to talking about Gambit, and analyzing everything Gambit does, and every word about Gambit I write. And when it comes to comics and fans, I figure I've seen pretty much everything. But I was wrong.

Click below to see a web site devoted to the character I write, Gambit. Or, more specifically, Gambit's ass:

The Amazing Adventures of Gambit's Ass