Whither art Ruggles, you ax? Getting AWESOME, I answer.

So, not only have I not been blogging lately, but much to everybody's dismay, I have not be blogging about Ysera's most powerful Gnome Mage, the Mighty Ruggles. It's not because I've stopped playing WOW, it's just the I've reached "endgame," where, at level 60, I doing very hard dungeons over and over until the boss drops the right magical item or piece of armor. Anyway, last night, I got the last piece of the first tier of endgame Mage armor, the Magister Set.

Here is Ruggles, in all of his glory in stylish Magister wear. Not only that, but dig his Bloodcaller sword he got from killing Hakkar in ZG... the MOST POWERFUL SWORD IN ALL OF WARCRAFT. Plus, I spent a shitload of gold and got a +30 spell damage enchant to the sword and +20 fire spell damage to my gloves, so I am even MORE kick ass and all-powerful before.

The next step: Do an insanely hard dungeon where I have to rescue some chick in 45 minutes, which is part of a quest to upgrade my armor to the Sorcerer set... which is the next tier.

BEHOLD RUGGLES!!

In full Magister Regalia. And carrying the deadly Bloodcaller!!!



Ruggles at Level 60. Romantically encumbered!

Ruggles at Level 55. Unstoppable.


Ruggles at Level 48. Sergeant!


Ruggles at Level 43. Natty!


Ruggles at Level 32. Deadly!


Ruggles at Level 10. Stylin'!

Tails too terrible to tell

This photo:
	Awesome and inspirational!
	Creepy and a little bit sad
	Furry and fun!
	Weird and pathetic
	Reggie is the cutest!
Free polls from Pollhost.com

RIP Robert Altman

I read in an interview a couple years ago that Robert Altman took a big bong hit every night before bed. I always liked his movies, but ever since I read that he was a sort of hero to me.

This is your chance to shine:

Edit my Wikipedia profile.

Free free to talk about how awesome I am. The world needs to know!

Too cool, or TRUE cool?: the face of Layman 2006

Because nothing says KICK! FUCKING!! ASS!!! like carrying your Prozac-addled kitty around in a front-facing baby-backpack!

Layman movie review: District B13

Man, I really wanted to hate this movie. I spent the first half hour of it actively trying to hate it, but in the end it won me over. I didn't even watch it at double speed, which is, of course, how I judge whether a movie is good or not.

I wanted to hate it because it was made by Luc Besson, who made 5th Element-- a movie which I keep trying to like, but end up hating. Funny, I remember parts of 5th Element very positively, and every couple years I go back and rewatch it, and remember why I hated it all over again. It's starts really well, and has great visuals, and I have great respect for Bruce Willis (who doesn't get near as much credit as he deserves as an actor.) I also have tremendous affection for Milla Jojovich, who I saw open for The The in the early 90s, in her pre-actor, post-model days as a singer, and she was absolutely mesmorizing. I've been a little bit in love with her ever since, and the weird thing is, it's not physical. Milla is pretty much the polar opposite of a "John Layman girl," and, yet, because of that show I saw her at those many years ago, I will always think she is awesome, no matter how many dumb action movies she does now. Anyway... 5th Element sucks. Chris Tucker, who I normal like, just wrecked the movie, and it totally deterorates as soon as he teams up with Bruce. I freaking HATE that dumb movie. And so I really wanted to hate District B13 too.

But it was pretty good. I bet David Baron would love it, 'cause it is not particularly taxing on the intellect. It's sorta Luc Besson remaking Escape from New York as a Hong Kong buddy cop action flick. It stars white, French Vin Diesel and another French guy who looks sorta like Image Comic's Eric Stephenson, if Eric was a tattooed thug instead of a pimp. There a lot of acrobatic chop socky sort of fighting, a few twists regarding the bad guys, a nice set up, and a good "fuck the power" ending.


Anyway, it's the best Netflix I've done in a while. I recommend it, as a cut above, certainly, the typical dumb Hollywood action fare. Of course, I haven't been watching a lot of movies lately, and I'll blog about that some other time, 'cause that definitely deserves it's own post.

For the first time in 6 years: Reasons NOT to hate America...

1. Rumfeld is gone. Dems control the House and Senate.



2. Rufus' smile is as white and dazzling as Carrie Underwood's.



3. Xena #4 went on sale TODAY!

Pray for the kitty!

Poor Old Rufus is in the Kitty Hospital today, getting her teeth cleaned, likely getting a tooth pulled, then getting her teeth bleached so she can look like a Kitty Movie Star.

Let's all take a moment to wish Little Rugie good health!!

LAYMAN CRAVES SLUTS... AND MORE SLUTS!

GUN SLUTS, that is.

The The is one of "my" bands. Like the Cramps and Alice Donut, a band that I just love every freaking thing they've done. And stupid Matt Johnston (The The is basically a one-man band) hasn't released an album since Naked Self in 2000.

Gun Sluts is an album Matt did, that he decided to shelve rather than release, and it is sort of the holy grail for The The fans.

Anyway, I just happened by the The The web site last night and saw that they have a single (instrumental) track off Gun Sluts available for purchase and download. It's nice to get a new The The song, after 7 years, but I wish I could somehow get the entire damn album.

Coming in March: Marvel Zombies vs. Army of Darkness

five issues. written by Layman. Art by Xena's Fabiano Neves.

Awesome covers by Arthur Suydam.

Details here.

And here.

On sale last week: Xena #3!!

With Standard Fabiano Neves cover


With "Negative" cover and No Logo cover


And photo cover and Bastita cover


The Layman Backlist Project has been updated to reflect this towering new literary achievement.

Nobody ever said Reggie was smart

But he sure is fucking cute!!!

FOR THE LADIES!: A 9-page Scarface #1 preview

Newsarama has posted nine pages of pasted-up, lettering up Scarface #1, coming in Dec. from IDW.

By the way, I'm done writing issue #3, and Dave Crosland and colorist Len O'Grady are hard at work on issue #2. And it looks AWESOME. (click for bigger picture.)

I have NEVER wanted anything so badly in my entire life!!!

I absolutely, positively must win this.

READER DISCRETION STRONGLY ADVISED: Perverted Congressman Foley's IM Exchange With John Layman

Oct 1, 2006 — - The following is an instant message exchange John Layman had with Rep. Foley. Warning: sexually explicit language, reader discretion is advised.

Maf54 (7:25:14 PM): hey

Auto response from Layman(7:25:14 PM): scrounging for food...brb

Maf54 (7:25:25 PM): ok

Maf54 (7:25:35 PM): kep scrounging

Layman(7:31:51 PM): boo

Maf54 (7:32:13 PM): bo dude

Layman(7:32:17 PM): lol

Layman(7:32:26 PM): whered ya go this afternoon

Maf54 (7:33:39 PM): i am in pensecola...had to catch a plane

Layman(7:33:47 PM): Florida is for assholes

Maf54 (7:37:27 PM): how my favorite young stud doing

Layman(7:37:46 PM): tired and sore

Layman(7:37:52 PM): i just finished Scarface #3, and the other comic book I’m co-writing that has not been announced.

Maf54 (7:38:04 PM): what is it I must know!!! LOL

Layman(7:38:34 PM): I can’t say, but there is actually two three more comics I am doing, in addition to Scarface and Xena, which has not been announced. I actullay have 14 comics I need to write, to finish off all my comimettents. 5 minis in all, plus a dodge commericial and two upcoming video games.

Maf54 (7:39:32 PM): tahts good when wil new stuff be solicited for

Layman(7:41:57 PM): fuck if I know. Jan or feb, probaly

Maf54 (7:39:32 PM): you need a massage

Layman(7:41:57 PM): tomorrow i have to start a new script

Maf54 (7:42:27 PM): love to read that

Maf54 (7:43:54 PM): youll be way hot then

Layman(7:44:01 PM): haha...hopefully

Maf54 (7:44:22 PM): did you “pet the kitty” this weekend?

Layman(7:46:38 PM): lol yes

Layman(7:46:40 PM): We also had to clip Bumb;e Buzz’s claws, they were getting pretty long.

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): I love your blog.

Maf54 (7:47:11 PM): It gets me horny

Layman(7:47:29 PM): uh

Maf54 (7:48:00 PM): wouold you give me David Baron’s mypace addie. I luv that dude.

Layman(7:48:04 PM): no

Layman(7:48:16 PM): too tired and too busy

Maf54 (7:48:33 PM): wow...

Maf54 (7:48:34 PM): i am never to busy haha

Layman(7:48:51 PM): haha

Maf54 (7:55:21 PM): very nice

Maf54 (7:58:37 PM): well I have aa totally stiff wood now, thinking about your awesome comics

Layman(7:58:40 PM): you are a total shitbag, and your scumbag republican friends will cover for you.

Maf54 (7:58:44 PM): i bet..taht wouldn’t hurt

Maf54 (7:59:48 PM): is your little guy limp...or growing

Layman(7:59:54 PM): Reggie?

Maf54 (8:00:00 PM): yeah

Layman(8:00:19 PM): he eats a lot of cat food. He’s a rolly poly little guy but he is pretty much full grown

Layman(8:00:20 PM): He likes to caper about obstreperously

Layman(8:00:32 PM): Some times he pees on the carpet though.

Maf54 (8:00:32 PM): that gets me really hot

Maf54 (8:01:21 PM): i am hard as a rock..

Maf54 (8:03:47 PM): what you wearing

Layman(8:04:04 PM): normal clothes

Layman(8:04:09 PM): tshirt and shorts

Maf54 (8:04:17 PM): um so a big buldge

Layman(8:04:35 PM): well, duh. I’m John Layman, mother fucker

Maf54 (8:04:45 PM): um

Maf54 (8:06:13 PM): I thought Xena #2 was damn good. Looking forward to issue #3

Layman(8:06:53 PM): that’s not onsale for a couple of weeks...dont get to excited

Maf54 (8:08:47 PM): tell me again

Layman(8:08:49 PM): Issue #3 is onsale in a couple of weeks. Scarface debuts in Dec. Dave Crosland is kicking all kinds of ass, and we have this great colorist named Len O’Grady

Maf54 (8:09:04 PM): ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Maf54 (8:09:08 PM): beautiful

Layman(8:09:38 PM): lol

Maf54 (8:09:44 PM): thats a great comic. I bought all of the variant covers

Layman(8:10:00 PM): thank you

Layman(8:10:54 PM): brb...Refus is mewowing

Maf54 (8:11:06 PM): ok

Layman(8:14:02 PM): back

Layman(8:16:53 PM): well i better go finish my writing...I want to run a dungeon on World of warcraft tonight. Ruggles is has almost got all his tier O mage gear. Just waiting for the Magister Boots and Chest piece to drop

Maf54 (8:09:44 PM): thats makes me so hot

Maf54 (8:09:44 PM): I wish you would blog more about Ruggles. And what TV you are watching. And any CONTESTS you might be entering.

Layman(8:14:02 PM): stay tuned, beeyotch

Maf54 signed off at 8:17:43 PM.

In the footsteps of greatness...

Michael Jackson...


Richard Pryor...


John Layman...

Guess which American Entertaining Legend burned half of his face off yesterday trying to grill chicken on a malfunctioning bar-b-que?

Spotted in Yakima, WA

Looka like a high-class joint to me!

Layman movie review: ART OF THE DEVIL (Part II: where I actually talk about the movie)

Actually, I enjoyed it quite a bit. Thanks, Dave!

I barely had to play it at double speed at all, which, as fans of my movie watching habits know, is how I get through movies, since my precious time is at such a premium.

Most of the gore came in the form of voodoo-cursed people puking outrageous amounts of blood, and there weren't really any overtly scarey or overly gorey moments (to be honest, the scariest part of the movie was the packaging.) The victimized Thai heroine looked kinda like a young Nerve Campbell, back when Nerve still had the glow of youth and potential to get more cute, not less. And what was really weird was the scary white kid they stuck in to freak everybody out. I've seen plenty of Asian horror movies and even their American rip-offs where there is some scary blank-faced, black-mouthed Asian kid used to scare the bejeezus out of you. Here, they used a little blond white girl, who was slightly cross-eyed with a pushed-in nose, who looked dangerously close to being an albino.

I'll probably netflix Art of the Devil II soon. I'm slowing a bit down on Warcraft at the moment, and watching movies again. At the behest of everybody on Earth, I'm gonna start watching The Wire, and see if it's as good as everybody has been saying.

Anyway, thanks again, David Baron. You really are the greatest. And he also co-hosts awesome parties at San Diego Con!!!

Layman movie review: ART OF THE DEVIL (Part I: David Baron edition)

David Baron used to be such a nice boy. Well groomed, with blindingly white socks, polished shoes, stylish spats and neatly pressed pants. He was always cheerful. He would come to work a half an hour early just so he could open doors for old ladies, pretty girls, fat guys and comic book editors. Sometimes he wore his Scout uniform to work. He was pure, like freshly-fallen snow on a pristine meadow, and innocent, like a baby lamb in a Disney Cartoon.

I distinctly remember him on the evening of his 21st birthday. I offered him a drink. He declined. "I don't drink alcohol," he declared. I offered again.

"C'mon, Dave, what's the worst that could happen?"


Cut to five years later, and David Baron is the creepiest person on Earth. His socks are dirty, and he only wears black. He is never without a scowl, and his clothing is accessoried with skulls and horrible gothic death imagery. He drinks like a hound. He hangs around with people of low character, and has an endless parade of emotionally-damaged, mentally-unstable, pierced, tattooed and often-underage "suicide girls" who serve at his every depraved beck and call. When he is not coloring comic books, I'm sure he is carving a pentagram on his chest with a rusty pearing knife. In short, David Baron has become a horrible person, and perhaps America's worst nightmare.


However, he remains very considerate, and often buys me presents and tokens for no particular reason. He never forgets to get me something when the holidays roll around, and often gives me stuff "just because." This year, at San Diego Comic Con, he gave me a DVD of a movie called Art of the Devil. He knows I have been enjoying various J-horror movies (never mind that Art of the Devil is actually from Thailand,) and wanted to give me this movie as a kindly gesture of friendship.

The back of the DVD boasted that the movie was particularly gruesome and shocking, part of an "Asian Extreme" video collection. Considering what a sick, twisted creep Dave has become, I could only image what "gruesome and shocking" meant by his standards. I guessed it would be six hours of people hanging from meat hooks eating live puppies.

And so it has been sitting on my DVD shelf, unwatched. The movie claims the movie is "terrifying," and without even seeing it I can attest to it. I am so afraid of the monster David Baron has become, I am nearly frightened to death to watch this movie. I get chills down my spine just seeing it in the cabinet. And so it remained, for months on end, the most horrifying, gut-wreching movie I have NEVER seen.



Last night, in a fit of foolhearty pique, I placed the DVD into my DVD player and pressed play.

to be continued

9/11/06: Are We Safer?

On the anniversary of America's tragedy, more pain and suffering, as "homegrown terrorist" Bumble Buzz poops in my sink to protest Layman's domestic ceiling fan policy.



Expect ABC to run a "docudrama" in five years where Bumble Buzz throws up on my carpet in protest of the noisy, scary vaccum.

Cat Tales of Woe II: The Seinfeld-ing of Layman

I'm not sure pictures do her justice, but Rufus is our cutest cat. She's the softest, and the noisiest, and the most personable. You can't pass by her without her squarking, and while the other cats cry and meow, you really get the sense that Rufus thinks she is communicating with you, and she always has to get the first and last word.

Oddly enough, Rufus will always be thought of as our least friendly cat, though this is not true. She likes to be petted, but it very claustrophic when she gets picked up. And she keep to herself the first couple years we had her.

Used to be we fed the cats wet food every Sunday as a treat, until we found out Batty had kidney problems and needed more liquid in her diet, so we switched over to giving them wet food every day. Well, turns out Rufus LOVES wet food, IAMs Ocean Fish, primarily, but most any IAMs, and she is totally finicky about everything else.


Her entire personality changed. Since we've been feeding her wet food daily, Rufus has become the friendliest cat. Affectoinate, loving. She still doesn't like to be picked up, but she has definitely gone from our least friendly cat to our most friendly.

A happy ending for our hero, right? Not to be.

It turns out stupid IAMs has discontinued the cat food she likes, and have switched to some mushy goo that NONE of our cats will touch. We've been buying all sorts of brands of wet food, but Rufus won't touch any of it. Just turns her head up and would rather eat dry food or go hungry.


So now, we've been taken to driving all over the place, to pick up the remaining OLD IAMs formula. Yesterday me and my girlfriend (so-to-be-EX!) both separately hit big jackpots, so we probably have enough to feed Ol' Rufus for another couple months, before she runs out of food she likes and gets pissed at us.

It is exactly like that Seinfeld where Elaine is buying up all the contraceptive spounges because a company stopped making them and she has to figure out who is "spounge-worthy." Except here we are dealing with cans of Ocean Fish cat food instead of contraceptive spounges.

Eye-yi-yi! Oh, the humanity!

An American Tragedy: Layman's Predicament Explained in Three Acts

I'm getting a lot of emails asking why I have not been blogging. I figured I owed you all an explaination.

Chapter One: Ain't No Fan of Mine:
I've wanted a ceiling fan for a long time in my bedroom. But I'm not particularly mechanically inclined. Ed Brubaker --comic's KING of ceiling fans, told me how easy it was to install one. A while ago me and the girlfriend (soon-to-be-ex!) bought one from Home Depot, and disassembled the lighting fixture where the fan was supposed to go, and then got utterly lost and gave up. We tried to get Home Depot to install it, but they don't do installation in the Seattle (though they do elsewhere, oddly enough.) Lowe's had really bad service. So we didn't get that fan I wanted... for an entire year.

Then we learned Lamps Plus did installation, and went there. They totally overcharged and they took FOREVER to get the installers to our house, but we got a really nice fan put into our master bedroom. It also took the installers all of ten minutes, and I learned this base thingie in the hole where the light fixture was was not supposed to be removed like I thought it was. THAT is what you attached the fan too. It was an expensive lesson, but sorta worth it.

So Saturday I went out and bought a fan from Home Depot, and installed it myself in the downstairs "litter box and comic book" room. It went so well that I returned the next day and bought a second fan and installed it in the spare, "soon-to-be Baby Layman's room."

A happy ending for our hero? If only!


Chapter Two: The Bumble Whisperer
Bumble Buzz has been acting very weird lately. Hanging out downstairs, which she never does, acting very needy and whiny. She hasn't been sleeping at my side and she LOVES sleeping next to me. Has been her favorite thing for about her entire 11 years. AND... she's been pooping on bathroom rugs and in my bathtub. Very strange and uncharacteristic behavior.

She doesn't seem sick, but she is definitely acting weird. Something is definitely wrong.



Chapter Three: A Mystery Explained!!!!
Last night we figured it out. I brought her into the bedroom and sat her on the bed, in her spot, and tried to pet her. She kept looking up at the ceiling fan, in pure terror, until she finally ran out of the room. She's afraid of the ceiling fans... and since we put one in every room, afraid to go into every room!

The other cats don't even notice, but every time I carry Bumble Buzz into a room with a ceiling fan she stares at it and panics. Isn't that weird? And she is totally living in fear now, because of the ceiling fans.. which are now in every bedroom of the house.

Shit!!!