More Sad, Sad, Sad

R.I.P. Kelly Freas.

Noted Mad Magazine cover artist and cover artist to one of my all-time favorite books, "Martians Go Home," by my all-time favorite author, Fredric Brown.



How come God kills nice people like Kelly Freas and Lennie Briscoe but leaves a corrosive old fuck like Dick Cheney alive? Is there no justice?

2005: Year of the Stoopid-Ass

Oh. My. God.

Today Kim and I went to see HOUSE OF THE FLYING BADGERS (review forthcoming) at the Cinerama downtown. Guess what we saw? Some fucking dipshit camped out (in mid-30 degree weather, mind ya,) with a chair and a sleeping bag....
...IN LINE FOR EPISODE III.

I wanted to say something to him, but then, I figured, if he was idiotic enough to sit out there, I'd rather not discourage him, 'cause someday he'll look back and realize what an utter waste his life has been. Then again, if he gets pnumonia before that, I'd be fine with that too.

Layman to San Andreas: I OWN yo' ass!

I finished. Last night I finished the greatest god-damn game in the history of man. I actually thought I'd finish New Year's Eve (while my pathetic "roommate" was passed out by 10 p.m.) but it turns out to do the last mission you have to get to Level 12 of the firefighter missions, and then you become fireproof.

Once I did that, I was able to do the last mission, which was so freakin' long it was unbelievable. First, you and your brother Sweet have to drive to Los Flores, to your enemy Big Smoke's Crack Palace. You then have to steal a SWAT tank from the cops, bust into the building, and work your way past four stories of heavily-fortified guards. Then you face Big Smoke, have to kill him, which takes a long time becuase he is wearing a bulletproof vest. Afterwards, you have a showdown with Officer Tenpenny (Samuel L. Jackson) who sets the crack palace on fire and leaves you for dead. You have to make your way down four burning stories, still taking out bustahs as you do so (this is where you really HAVE to be fireproof.) Once you are out, Tenpenny escapes in a fire truck, with Sweet hanging on from the back. You have to chase Tenpenny all over the city, while rioters are throwing molotov cocktails at you, and after you have driven FOREVER you have to catch Sweet before dirty cops throw him off the truck. Then, with Sweet at the while, you have to shoot a bunch of cops and chase down Tenpenny, and once you do, you get a nice, long cutscene, featuring all the characters you've befriended along the way.

Holy crap. And now it's done. There are still gang territories to take over, and some side missions to do, the Quarry mission and Trucking mission and stuff like that. BUt the story itself had 100 missions to do, ranging from cool to hard as hell, but all of it was fun, and done with terrific humor. Shit, what am I gonna do next?

Rhetorical question. I gotta finish Gambit #9 and a pitch, then I'll probably pick up Prince Of Persia II. Part of me wants to start San Andreas all over again, but I'll probably wait a few months before I do that.

Layman movie review: SAVED

Another movie that was surprisingly good, from beginning to end. Yeah, it got just a tad heavy-handed, but that's pretty much the Modus Operandi of American Christians anyway, isn't it? Jenna Malone (from Donnie Darko) is a Christian high schooler whose boyfriend is gay and she tries to "save" him by having sex with him. Instead, she ends up pregnant, which exposes all the hypcricy of all her Jesus-freak schoolmates. It's funnier than it sounds, and cheesepuff singer Mandy Moore is really good as a popular bitchy girl. Moe-cay-hee Culkin is a wheelchair-bound kid, and he's pretty good too, as the cynical voice of reason, even if it does sound like he is trying to channel Christian Slater the entire time (man, whatever happened to THAT guy?)

So, anyway, I would totally recommend this movie. Kim liked it too, and she hates EVERYTHING!

Layman movie review: BIO ZOMBIE

Yeah, I enjoyed this one. Actually enjoyed the hell out of it. A Hong Kong zombie movie clearly made by people who had seen their share of American zombie movies. And there were points where you'd swear it actually was an American zombie movie, until the lead characters did or said something really (at least to Americans) goofy and incomprehensible. It takes place in a mall, and two mallrat lowlifes have to defend against zombies while trying to score chicks. Nothing groundbreaking, but thoroughly enjoyable. The sidekick character I had recently seen in an Asian Gangster flick called "Young and Dangerous, the Prequel." (That movie was pretty good, too, though, and I guess this is a series of movies, but stupid Netflix only has like parts 4 and 6, or something like that.)

Anyway, BioZombie was cooler than its title might lead you to believe. Translation and English voice overs were above average, too.

And kudos on the ending, which I thought was bleak even by horror movie standards.

Layman movie review: THE INTERMINABLE

Actually, it's called, THE TERMINAL, and I have no freakin' idea how it ended up on our Netflix (I secretly suspect my wife is a big cheeseball.) Anyway, it's Steven Speilberg's latest slice of syrup, starring Tom Hanks as a goofy-ass foreigner stuck in an airport--kinda like anyone who saw it got stuck in the theater.

Listen, the sad fact is, at 37 years of age, I am pushing 40, and I am middle aged. So, I'm wondering, who the HELL is this movie marketed toward. Not me, surely, and not anybody any younger. Maybe really old folks (see forthcoming review of SECONDHAND LIONS, which has officially spawned a new genre of non-sexual "geriatric porn.") The Terminal just sorta ambled along, with everything obvious from a mile away. Nothing extremily challenging for the viewer, everything cute and painfully pleasant. There is absolutely no chemistry between Katherine Zeto Jones and Tom Hanks, and the idea that a flight attendant who looks anything like that would even give a goofy-ass foreigner like Tom Hanks the time of day is ludicrous. (She reads books on Napoleon in her spare time, which is even more ridiculous.)

Anyway, this movie is pure fluff, and it's actually so bad Kim and I could not stop watching it, groaning and bitching.

One other thing. It was PG-13, though there was ANYthing we could remotely see to merit that. Stanley Tucci yells "Goddamit" at the end, but there was no other cussing I could recall. Or nudity or drug use or anything else. Could it be movies are now being rated in consideration of how fucking BORING they are, with the realization that nobody under 13 could see this movie without being bored out of their ever-lovin' mind?

So... my recommendation; RENT IT, only if you enjoy grousing at your TV screen (which I do)

Layman Pimpage: Gambit #5

Gambit #5 came out yesterday. Guest starring Wolverine, obviously. I'll post some reviews once they hit. I suspect they will be good, because this personally is my favorite issue so far... but you never know with these idiots on the internets.

Sad, sad, sad

R.I.P. Lenny.

Jerry Orbach dead at 69 of prostate cancer.

The unholy trio

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Originally uploaded by themightylayman.

The three elder kitties contemplate how they have fallen out of favor, and wonder why REGGIE™ is now everybody's favorite LaymanKitty™.

Entering 2005... this blog STILL gathers no moss

You'll notice some changes to the links section today, with the threat of more changes to come.

In our continuing effort to provide you with the very best in "internets entertainment," we are are getting rid of the dead weight, commending those few who deserve it, and in our benevolence, giving some undeserving few a second chance.

THE GOOD: First off, big props to SUPERFRANKENSTEIN, FANBOY RAMPAGE , FARK and GELAMOTTI, for being consistently updated and entertaining. You have secured a place in my heart, and on this blog's links section. Your position is secure. TODAY IN IRAQ is not necessarily entertaining, but I urge everybody to follow it to get an idea of the depressing reality of this monstrous war our douchebag president has gotten us into.

THE BAD: I'm dumping the FROM BRICKS TO BOTHANS site from my links. They don't put "leaked" information about Lego sets on their site, and unless Lego Corp signs off, the aren't allowed to talk about new sets. I think THIS web site has proved to be a better web site when it comes to providing coverage, so I'm dumping your sorry ass.
You get the ax!!

THE UGLY: SAVAGE CRITIC , INFORMATION OVERLOAD and LOGIC AND NAUSEA are all hereby warned; get your shit together. You are not updating enough, and dangerously close to be axed from this web site. All of you are sadly underperforming when it comes to updating and entertaining me. SAVAGE CRITIC isn't doing nearly enough savaging, and have just been posting stupid lists lately.

Start critisizing, SAVAGE CRITIC ... Or risk the ax!

LOGIC AND NAUSEA, run by my arch-enemy Brian Perez, is filled with putrid prose. Update more, and make the shit rhyme, dude... Or risk the ax!

INFORMATION OVERLOAD is going on warning as well. As some of you may know, this blog is operated by my obnoxious "roommate," who I just happened to also be married to. Some background information: My sweet kitty cat Bumble Buzz LOVES to chew on ribbon, so during the Christmas season I had to be extra vigilant making sure no presents had ribbon. A horrible thing happened last year, beyond the fact that Bumble Buzz nearly chokes every time she goes for ribbon. (SPOILER WARNINGS APPLY:) She actually swallowed a bunch of ribbon, and some time later she had ribbon hanging out of her butt. It got cat shit all over my carpet, but the worst part of it was when I had to PULL the crap-covered ribbon out of Bumble Buzz's butt, which obviously hurt like hell for this poor sweet kitty. It bled a lot too, and was one of the grossest thing I have ever seen.

INFORMATION OVERLOAD: stop leaving Christmas ribbon on the ground from Bumble Buzz to choke on or get stuck in her butt... Or risk the ax!

Ho-Hum

I guess this is supposed to evoke the x-wing. YAWN.

You know, even I'm getting tired of posting this crap...

...you gotta be getting tired of reading it.

I'm don't even plan on buying this stuff, but I like Legos a lot, and seeing this stuff still gets me kinda excited. When I was a kid my two favorite things were Star Wars and Legos, and it wasn't until 1997 or so that the two got together. I've bought most of the Lego Star Wars stuff there is to buy, at least, all the "system scale" stuff, the sets that fit the cute little minifigure guys. That is, I bought everythign up until Episode I, and I even I bought a bunch of the Episode I sets too, before I even saw the movie and released how screwed I was cause the movie sucked so bad. So I've stopped buying sets, except for the "classic trilogy," but I still think it is cool when Lego unveils the sets for the coming year. All this stuff you see here this past week is for the Episode III movie, and the toys won't debut until spring-ish. Word is there is going to be two sets from the original trilogy, and all Lego has been doing lately is doing "redesigns" of previously released stuff. I've stopped buying those, unless they are really standout.

Anyway, here's another set. Wookies vs. droids.



Oh, by the way, I got a call yesterday from my stupid friend JP who LOOOOOVES George Lucas almost as much as another stupid friend named Nate LOOOOOOOVES George Bush. Stupid JP says that Fat-Ass Lucas is going and reworking the movies AGAIN to rerelease them for the "one last time." Man, how many time is that bastard going to take our money for the same tired shit? Why not spend the millions he has spent navel gazing hiring a decent script writer for Episode III?

A very Rufus Christmas

Check out lazy Rufus™ in in-action here.

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Originally uploaded by themightylayman. \

X-mas Goodwill toward man...and kitties!

Check out Batty™ and Reggie™ in action here.


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Originally uploaded by themightylayman.

It's a very Reggie Christmas

Check out Reggie™ in action here.


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Originally uploaded by themightylayman.

It's a very Batty Christmas

Check out Batty™ in action here.


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Originally uploaded by themightylayman.

Here's the set where Annikin gets crispy-crittered

(Don't forget to click on my Christmas Quicktime movie. I worked hard on it, for your ungrateful, lazy ass.)




I have no idea what the "try me" feature is. Lego seems to be favoring pieces that light-up this year, so maybe it's something like that.

a very Quicktime Christmas

My Christmas Present to You!

Jedi Starfighter vs. "Vulture" Droid

Now how the hell do they "vultures" in the Star Wars Universe? You know, I've got lots of bitches about the Star Wars movies, particularly the hairbrained sequels. But do you know what my absolute ultimate complaint is?

There is a point in Episode II where Obi Won turns to Annakin (or vice versa) and says “we’re going to be sitting ducks if we stay here.” How the hell would anybody in the Star Wars Universe know what a DUCK is? At least in the first trilogy, Lucas had enough energy to write stuff like “he looks strong enough to wrestle a gundark” and crap like that. Now imagine the Star Wars Universe, populated by all manner of creatures and aliens; wookees, jawas, ewoks, banthas, rancors, gundarks, wampas, taun tauns, tusken raiders, gungans, dewbacks, saarlacs –and freakin’ DUCKS!

And now, apparently, vultures. Sigh.

Anyway, here's one of the bigger sets. I presume the Wookie Catamaran will be up tomorrow for X-mas

Note: I deleted the picture, 'cause Chris Hunter pointed out it was screwing up the blog on internet explorer. Thanks, Chris!

This one is cool, though