Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Bring the Pain II: Last Night I Puked So Hard I Dislocated My Jaw--AGAIN!

Harkening back to a happier time, before SUPERFRANKENSTEIN and I were bitter and litigious enemies, last night I fucked myself up where I puked so hard I dislocated my jaw--AGAIN.

The culprit, this time: Starbucks Coffee Ice Cream.

Ok. I have a low tolerance for caffiene. That is, I can only drink so much before I get jittery and weird, and if I drink any more than that I can end up coughing, and eventually throwing up. Yesterday in the afternoon, after the twenty-billionth Seattle day of rain in a row, I warmed up with a double (extra foamy!) cappacinno. I skipped dinner, as there was nothing in the fridge, and my personal chef was working a night shift at her day job. So I, uh, helped myself to some of the Starbucks Coffee Ice Cream in the fridge, having no idea HOW FREAKING HYPER-CAFFINATED it must be. After I ate it my heart was pounding like crazy, and eventually I started coughing, and, well, one thing led to another.

You know the funny thing? Ice cream puked up actually does taste just as good coming up as it did going down.

Even so. No more Starbucks Ice Cream for me!


TomB said...

Careful, Layman, you keep eating like that and you'll get chewed out at the next weigh-in.

Click it!

TomB said...

Oh, for those of you who don't know, John, in an effort to overcome his long history of substance abuse, appears on this season's VH1 Celebrity Fat Club. His new fame as a Marvel writer gives him enough celeb status to appear as the token "almost was" along side the "has-beens." His team, ebony flame( cuz they're black and they're gay), is doing quite well under John's leadership. Keep watching for John's meltdown and ice cream binge followed immediately with tears and self loathing!

Tom said...

When I threatened to sue the fabulously wealthy entertainer/developer Merv Griffin, he tried to get out of it by faking a stroke.

I sued him anyway.

And I won.