Anyway, in the interest of keeping faithful readers of this blog entertained and informed, here is the "News Explained" feature as it was meant to be seen, before Mr. Peyer perverted into a grotesque parody.
Deadly U.S. Attack in Pakistan Targets Al Qaeda No. 2
Socialist favored as Chile votes for president
Cinema backflip over cowboy love story
Study confirms sleep essential for creativity
An overweight nation grows more accepting of obesity
Greenpeace and Japanese whaling standoff escalates
Two snowmobilers missing in Montana