Thursday, September 07, 2006

An American Tragedy: Layman's Predicament Explained in Three Acts

I'm getting a lot of emails asking why I have not been blogging. I figured I owed you all an explaination.

Chapter One: Ain't No Fan of Mine:
I've wanted a ceiling fan for a long time in my bedroom. But I'm not particularly mechanically inclined. Ed Brubaker --comic's KING of ceiling fans, told me how easy it was to install one. A while ago me and the girlfriend (soon-to-be-ex!) bought one from Home Depot, and disassembled the lighting fixture where the fan was supposed to go, and then got utterly lost and gave up. We tried to get Home Depot to install it, but they don't do installation in the Seattle (though they do elsewhere, oddly enough.) Lowe's had really bad service. So we didn't get that fan I wanted... for an entire year.

Then we learned Lamps Plus did installation, and went there. They totally overcharged and they took FOREVER to get the installers to our house, but we got a really nice fan put into our master bedroom. It also took the installers all of ten minutes, and I learned this base thingie in the hole where the light fixture was was not supposed to be removed like I thought it was. THAT is what you attached the fan too. It was an expensive lesson, but sorta worth it.

So Saturday I went out and bought a fan from Home Depot, and installed it myself in the downstairs "litter box and comic book" room. It went so well that I returned the next day and bought a second fan and installed it in the spare, "soon-to-be Baby Layman's room."

A happy ending for our hero? If only!

Chapter Two: The Bumble Whisperer
Bumble Buzz has been acting very weird lately. Hanging out downstairs, which she never does, acting very needy and whiny. She hasn't been sleeping at my side and she LOVES sleeping next to me. Has been her favorite thing for about her entire 11 years. AND... she's been pooping on bathroom rugs and in my bathtub. Very strange and uncharacteristic behavior.

She doesn't seem sick, but she is definitely acting weird. Something is definitely wrong.

Chapter Three: A Mystery Explained!!!!
Last night we figured it out. I brought her into the bedroom and sat her on the bed, in her spot, and tried to pet her. She kept looking up at the ceiling fan, in pure terror, until she finally ran out of the room. She's afraid of the ceiling fans... and since we put one in every room, afraid to go into every room!

The other cats don't even notice, but every time I carry Bumble Buzz into a room with a ceiling fan she stares at it and panics. Isn't that weird? And she is totally living in fear now, because of the ceiling fans.. which are now in every bedroom of the house.


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