Song and Dance Man

In praise of Spongebob

Man, the funny thing about having a kid, you realize how much cartoons are like crack for babies. Most of the time, it will settle them down, shut them up, and mezmorize them. At least in Carter's case. So of course, without letting him watch too much, I have to admit, Cartoon Network has become our friend. "Blues Clues" is Carter's absolute favorite, and he'll sit in front of it, slack-jawed, for the entire show. But it's a bit insipid.

I also find "Backyardagins" tolerable. Surprisingly, almost every episode they have a song that I think is pretty catchy (there is nothing worse than finding yourself humming a song for 3 year olds as the day progresses, but with Backyardigans sometimes I do.)

"Fairly Oddparents" is the one cartoon that just sets my nerves on each, as shrill and stupid and ugly and unfunny.


And, SpongeBob SquarePants has become a favorite. I know it's d pretty commercialized, but, goddamn, it has some funny stuff, almost every episode. Carter just likes it because it a cartoon, but I find myself watching it without him, just for laughs, and I have no doubt this is exactly the sort of show that college stoners zone out to every afternoon or morning-- I would have, anyway.

So, uh... point of this blog? SpongeBob Squarepants is way damn funnier than I ever thought it could be. I'm a fan.



So, here's a new addition to The Layman Lego Project. When I saw this in the stores, I had to snap it up. It's a great looking set, but I'm a little baffled about the mini-figure choices. Hitler seems like a bad choice to include in a children's cartoon Lego set. I don't even think he was in that particular episode.

A short week for...

The Layman Lego Project!!


Reggie got sick and I had to take him to the kitty emergency room, so I did not build a lot of Legos this weekend.




He's doing much better now, thanks for asking, but it cost $650 to unblock his blocked bladder.

RIP Roy Scheider, Steve Gerber

Man, Jaws scared the crap out of me as a kid. I was 9 years old, and my dad had to take me out of the theater, I was so goddamn terrified.


Comic writer Steve Gerber died too. He was best known for creating Howard the Duck, but my favorite thing he did was a comic called Sludge.

Test your knowledge of the animal kingdom...

...with this exciting multiple choice question:

Which is the most fearsome of all beasts in the animal kingdom?

A) The proud lion.


B) The graceful whale


C) The deadly shark


D) Reggie!!!



Now, an important follow-up question: Who killed a bird on the balcony the night before last??!?

Layman Richards? Layman Walnuts? WTF?!?!?

I have a staggering amount of grey hair coming in on the sides, like, all of the sudden. Every day I look in the mirror and I have another few grey hairs, even a little patch the other day, coming in on the sides, and at the rate I'm going I'm going to have wingtips by the end of the year.

God damn! I am old!

An early valentine's present for YOU!!!

Because I care--A MASSIVE update of The Layman Lego Project!!














Obviously, I'm starting to tackle the vast collection of Star Wars legos, which, in San Diego and Seattle, were built and displayed on several bookcases as a giant Star Wars Lego diorama.

This don't even scratch the surface, chums.

Aw, what the hell... Vikings

Not much going on, so here's a couple Lego Viking sets, all part of the ever-thrilling Layman Lego Project

Wherefore art Layman? Beset by computer woes and calamity!

Well, shit, here's another New Year's resolution down the tubes. You know, I meant to blog every day, but with a kid and a job, and trying to play Warcraft and write on the side, this damn blog is just falling through the cracks, and I apologize.

Plus, I had some big computer problems that sidelined me recently. I was all ready to post a bunch of cool pictures on the web, but first I updated to Apple Leopard --not knowing the new MAC OS is ABSOLUTELY incompatible with Photoshop 7. I don't have a spare $700 around for the new Photoshop, and didn't have the connections to steal it, so I reinstalled Panther onto my Mac.... BIG MISTAKE... I ended up losing a ton of stuff, and I had all sorts of headaches. In the end, I got most of it back, except for the music. I have it all on disc, but it's gonna be a pain in the ass to move it all over.

Anyway, that's why I have not blogged recently. As a reward to you, all my breathless fans who check back here every day. Here is a picture of Bumble Buzz. Sometimes I'm so busy adoring Reggie I forget that Bumble Buzz is an big ol' fuzzy sweetie too!





P.S.: I ended up going the legal route, buying Photoshop Elements and installing it on all my computers. It's like Photoshop for dummies, but it pretty much has the same features, at least for my purposes.

My 2007 Xmas present constructed --and MORE!

A rare mis-step for Lego. I broke my own self imposed rule, that I only buy Star Wars Legos that are A) from the classic original trilogy and B) canon. That is, no made-up bullshit. But the idea of a TIE fighter that doubled as a tank was freaking irresistible to me.

Sadly, this set broke Lego's #1 rule, that building it should be fun. There were simply too damn many of the same parts, and by the end of the first wing/tread thingie, I was bored and dreading building the second. Lego should have used the one-piece plastic tread the use for their digger, and other construction equipment, and it would have made the set a little less cool, but way less tedious to build, and it also would have kept the price point way below the ridiculous asking price of $50. At this price, the only people buying it are Star Wars Lego completists, suckers, and people like me who can't resist the idea of a TIE fighter tank hybrid.

I was a little annoyed at Lego, but today I got the new catalog in the mail, and there are no less than four new sets that I HAVE to have.

So all is forgiven, Lego. Meesa wuv you again!




Also, as long as we are here, check out some new additions to The Layman Lego Project:

2007: The Year in Review

At the stroke of midnight, 2008, we were consoling Carter, who has a molar coming in, and a cold, and is sick and miserable, when he throws up all over himself and Kim. I sorta wish he would have thrown up on me, too, 'cause that would have pretty much summed up 2007 for me.

2007 was a terrible year.

Know this, when I'm not blogging, it's not because I am too busy, or having too good a time to find the time to blog. I don't blog because I am depressed, and I spent a lot of 2007 being miserably depressed. Sure, I was busy, with a new kid and lack of sleep, and all that goes with it, plus a move and a new job, but, mostly, I was just depressed.

If you emailed me and I did not get back to you, or lagged severely and then wrote something short, that was probably why.

2007 sucked.

2007 saw the release of my biggest selling, most commercial comic, which just so happened to be mired in so much behind-the-scenes bullshit with one of the publishers it completely poisoned the project for me. At the same time, the rest of my comics "career" came to a inexplicable, crashing halt, and the work just simply dried up, and never returned. At the end of 2006 I was juggling five different comics, and I'd been hustling for 5 years to reach that point. When it all just stopped cold, it was absolutely devastating to me. As result, I took a job in the video game industry (funny how the much more lucrative video game industry has been far kinder to me in 3 years than comics ever was in nearly 15.) I moved from my own house, to a tiny apartment, away from a city I loved to a place that is little more than a vast expanse of freeways and stripmalls. I left behind a tight circle of friends, and there's not a day that goes by that I don't miss Seattle, my house and my friends. I got to live closer to my parents, and get a closer look as my Alzheimer's afflicted Dad went from daffy old man, to walking zombie who could not recognize either me or my mother. He had multiple strokes the week before x-mas, and is now in bed, waiting to die, not able to walk, not able to talk, not even able to chew. I went and saw him a couple of days ago, which will surely be the last time I see him alive, and he looked more terrible and wretched then I could ever imagine.

It wasn't completely bad. Carter has turned out to be a pretty fun little kid, and my home life is fine. The cats are in good health, and I finally bought my dream car, a Toyota Matrix. I'm going to start blogging a lot more in 2008. And even though I'm effectively right back where I started as a comic book writer when I went freelance 6 years ago -square one- I'm just going to do my own god damn thing, and get my own book up and running again.

Anyway, come back here often. This blog is back, mother fucker!

The year is 2008, AND THIS IS THE WRATH OF LAYMAN!!!!

Merry Christmas, Suckas

Have a very Layman Christmas!

OYL: From zero to goofball in 365 days

Happy birthday to Reggie's little brother, Carter Layman, born 12/20/06!!

Layman state of TV 2007; Network edition

Last night Heroes came and went, and after half-heartedly watching the season and trying to give a damn, I just could not. I skipped the ending, and did not miss it one bit, and doubt I will ever look back.

But it got me thinking about exactly what I'm watching these days. And, of course, my biggest question of the TV season: WHY DOES THE OFFICE SUCK SO BAD THIS SEASON?


Used to be I LOVED The Office, the American and the British version, and about Tuesday I'd start looking forward to it, and even the quickie previews were usually enough to make it laugh. Usually I'd watch it while it aired, and then watch it again the next day, because there was always something I did not notice the first time around, or something that would make me laugh all over again.

Not this season. Maybe it's because they did that lame super-sizing shit, and stretched out all the jokes, but the opening episodes of the series were not just unfunny, but painfully so. Michael's IQ seemed to drop by twenty points, and he was not just incredibly stupid, but also shrill. It really feels like Michael is a parody of his character, or the writers lost track of what made the character work, while the other characters have descended into near-caricature. Since the super-sized episodes ended, it's gotten marginally better, but the damage has been done, and the show just does not seem to be what it once was.

Like I said, Heroes sucked too, but I expected that. It was overhyped and overblown and it was just a matter of time before it disappointed, Lost-style, and Heroes did exactly that. Good riddance.

So what am I watching?

I'm glad you asked. A couple weeks ago I would have said Pushing Daisies is the best show of the season, and I still think it's damn great, and consistent charmer, with more genuine heart than almost anything else on TV. I love the little touches, like the alliterative names of side characters, and some of their forays into animation, musical numbers, or just plain oddball whimsey. Plus, Mike White and Pee Wee Herman showed up as supporting cast members, and I just love the overall quirkiness.


Still, and I'm surprised to say this, but Chuck has really grown on me. After a great pilot, I thought it was going to settle into a routine, and maybe it has, but I like the characters and the humor and mix of nerd soap with network spyjinx. It's a lot of fun, and after dumping it from my Netflix Season Pass, after a couple of weeks of inadvertently watching it and enjoying it, I added it again, and it's slowly moved into a can't miss for me.



What else?

Monday; Not a damn thing,

Tuesday: My Tivo can't tell the difference between new Episodes of The Office and ones running on TBS, so I was getting repeats of that instead of Law & Order SVU. I like Law & Order, as TV comfort food, at least SVU and the original, but the episodes I've managed to catch this season have been amazingly bad.

Wednesday; Pushing Daisies. Weren't you listening?

Thursday: My roommate watches Ugly Betty, and I don;t object to most of it, though it is clearly sugary trash. I also make sure to watch 30 Rock later on NBC.com, and it never fails to make me laugh. Sorry, Office, 30 ROCK IS WITHOUT A DOUBT THE FUNNIEST SHOW ON TV.


Friday, Saturday, Sunday: I catch the Simpsons, when I remember too, but that's sorta irregular.

And that's pretty much it for network TV. Feel free to recommend shows, but the first person who says Journeyman or anything that is a medical show is going to get a sharpened pencil stabbed into their eye.

Problems? Brother, I got nothing BUT problems!

First, a little background. Me and Bumble Buzz go way back. Long before there was a roommate, a punk kid, a mortgage, a car payment, and any number of other soul crushing life elements, there was me and Bumble Buzz, living in a little one bedroom in Pacific Beach, San Diego, 8 or so blocks from the ocean, where life was good and dope was plentiful. When Bumble Buzz was a wee kitten, one of the first thing I did was put her next to my pillow went I went to sleep and petted her as I drifted off.



Now, that is her thing. Bumble Buzz isn't much of a cat. She's grouchy, and she doesn't really like other people or cats. She's a scaredy cat. She's the cat that gets gross chin acne and she ones had a big boil on her tail I had to pop. She gets Klingons on her butt and has bad breathe and her fur is sort of mangy. Still, the one single pleasure she gets in life is laying next to my pillow and letting me pet her as she goes to sleep. Clearly, it is her favorite thing in the world. She'll even pace around at night, meowing at me, as if reminding me it is time to go to bed, and as soon as I had to the bedroom, she's on her spot next to the pillow.

Well, as Reggie Hammond said, there's a new sheriff in town.

Lately, I've been waking up in the middle of the night, and REGGIE (the cat, not Eddie Murphy) is laying next to me, by my pillow, nuzzling and snuggling and being a little angel. Usually Bumble Buzz is sitting off to the background, glowering and growling. And now, when I wake up in the middle of the night, Reggie is there instead of Bumble Buzz.

Usually I have to think about it, and convince myself is it not the most wonderful dream I am in. Reggie is soft like pressed Yugoslavian velvet. His breath is like a warm autumn breeze in the countryside, and his purr is like a gentle melody. He's got cute bristly whiskers and a cold wet nose and a scratchy little tongue. I end up staying up for hours on end petting him --AND IT'S THE GREATEST JOY I HAVE EVER KNOWN.

Sometimes, late at night, my roommate is too passed out from drink to rouse to the cry of the baby in the other room, who is clearly very cold, or very hungry, or both. And I know I probably should get up and feed the kid, but petting Reggie is SO AWESOME.



Anyway, dear readers, I pose this question to you... Is it possible to love too much?

This is what I got for my birthday last week

My three most awesome presents, in order of awesomeness:




I'm still waiting on YOUR present, cheapskate!!!