Layman movie review: The Village

Sorry I didn't blog yesterday, but I was busy puking my guts out, and trying to push my brain back through my ears, as some grey matter leaked out when I watched the criminally stupid M. Night Shamalama movie THE VILLAGE. What a wretchedly stupid movie.

Here's the twist: THE VILLAGE IS NOT SET IN THE PAST. That is, it looks like a Puritan sort of society set hundreds of years ago, but it's not. It's set in the present, though M. Night ShamalamaShitForBrains takes great pains to mislead you into thinking otherwise.

And, hey, if you're even remotely pissed at me for giving this away, don't be. I just did you a huge favor. The script is ham fisted and awkward. Everythign about it is painfully obvious, and stupid M. Night Shamalama continues to confused a molasses-slow pace with suspense. Even worse, that fucker clearly thinks he's Hitchcock, and finds some "clever" way to give himself a cameo.

This guy is overrated, and clearly in severe need of an ass-kicking. SIX SENSE was good, but I'm sensing it was a fluke. A lot of people in the world of comics like UNBREAKABLE, because it was a comics origin deconstruction, but it, too, was slow as all hell, and does not hold up over repeat viewings. His next effort, SIGNS, was just pure fucking crap. Clearly, M. Night Shamalama has built his rep on "needing a twist," and the whole idea that aliens would be repelled by water ON A FARM is freaking ridiculous. Surely this freakin' moron has heard of condensation... morning dew? That aliens who die when touched by water would hide out in a crop of corn totally does not hold up to logic.

Well, THE VILLAGE is even stupider, and M. Night Shamalama clearly will go to any lengths to provide a twist, no matter how fucking stupid it is. THE VILLAGE isn't a movie, it's an episode of the Twilight Zone, stretched into an interminable two-hour length.

You're been warned.