From Layman:
Dear Hajia,
I still have not heard from Mustapha. Do you have any idea when he might call?
Just so you know, I am an elderly widower, in failing health and extreme decrepitude. My only heir, my son Soggiferus P. Layman, died three years ago last April after eating a poison bundt cake. As a result, I recieved an extremely generous settlement from the insurance company at the Applebee’s restaurant where he died. And while it has left me FABULOUSLY WEALTHY, it does not replace the place in my heart I held for my dear young “Soggy”. I’m sure you, as a recent widow, can relate.
My dynamic team of financial advisors tell me I have more money than I could ever spend my lifetime, and I should devote my limited energies to various charities and helping people in need. That is why I thought it such a blessing to hear from you today. I have heard Nigerians are a proud people, probably a wife of a great general especially. I hope you are not so proud you decline my offer of financial assistance in your time of need. Nay, I BEG you.
I hope to hear from you or Mustapha soon,
Yours in friendship,
John Layman
P.S. Please tell me some stories that relate to the character of the late General Abacha. Was he a man of God? Did he love kitties?
2 comments:
Too thick. They're wise to your banter. The scheme's been flummoxed. You've queered the deal.
Hilarious!
Post a Comment