Friday, February 03, 2006

PART 5: I respond to Mustapha

From Layman:
Dear Mustapha,

I’m begin to think you are playing a cruel trick on me. In my initial letter from Hajia Mariam I was told that you had researched me on the internet to get my information. If that is the case, you must know, despite my extreme wealth, I am very lonely, and have been touched repeatedly by death and tragedy. I am still mourning the death of my son, as well as my grandson AUGUSTUS who died in a horrible accident during a game of “extreme marbles.” Therefore, it is in very poor taste of you to suggest a password such as “AUGUST,” as it calls to mind some very unpleasant memories of my sweet grandchild’s death.

If you are not playing a terrible prank on me, I would like to suggest a different password, something that has some more positive connotations with me. When I was a boy, I enjoyed both PEPPERMINT nickel hard candy and lollipops. I would like to change our personal password. When you pick up the phone, please say “PEPPERMINT” and I will respond by shouting “PEPPERMINT LOLLIPOP YUMMY YAY.” Then you will know it is me, and we will be free to conduct our business.

If these conditions are acceptable to you, please let me know and I will call you immediately. I would still very much like to help you, and my vast financial resources would allow me to supply you with assistance immediately and with ease.

Please allow me to help you, Mustapha,

With fond regards,
John Layman


N. J. Pozner said...

Oh my god...

Tom said...