Monday, September 26, 2005

Pozner movie review: Dark Water

Hello, everybody, and good day to you. My name is Neal J. Pozner and I'll be the host of this blog until such time Layman feels up to returning.

Anyway, on the Lesson Plans Layman left before he absconded, he left a request that I review "Dark Water," the orginal Japanese version, not the recent U.S. remake featuring Jennifer Connely. Honeslty, I didn't want to see this movie. To me, "Dark Water" is the substance I found on my sheets in the morning every day of my life up until the age of 15 (and occationally still do this day, if I ever drink rasberry Snapple.)

But I know that Layman has been doing lots of Asian cinema, so I figured I'd better review it. And it's a good thing it got to me, instead of Layman. He would have hated it. It was about as slow moving as a movie could be without running in reverse. It had no gore, and not even any blood. It was also devoid of actual scares, unless you are scared of seeing a little Japanese kid or her little red bunny purse that keeps appearing everytime somebody throws it away. It spent way more time dealing with the "single mom getting a divorce and dealing with a career" than it did on any horror plots. It felt more like a Lifetime movie of the week than an actual horror movie. So, in short, to conclude, I, Neal J. Pozner, LOVED IT!!!!!

I'll see you tomorrow, with more brilliant and edge-of-your-seat blogging. In the meantime, please vist my sister web-site, THE WIND, where chances are very good I've posted my 1000th post about people talking in movie theaters.

I'm told I'm a lovable crumudgeon. An Andy Rooney for the 21st Century, minus the blistering sex-appeal.

Have a pleasant afternoon.

With kind regards,
Neal J. Pozner

1 comment:

Jeffrey said...

You're much nicer than that other guy.