Monday, August 22, 2005

Layman Movie Review: BRIGHT FUTURE


Dude, I'm so freaking pissed. Clearly I need to kill somebody, it's just a question of who. Sadly, I can't pin this one on my roommate's abyssmal Netflix tastes... this one is totally on me.

To explain: I've wanted to see Bright Future ever since I first heard about it, nine months or so ago. According to what I've read, it's about a suicidal guy who kills his boss, then bequeathes his killer jellyfish to his dim-witted friend, who dumps the jellyfish into the Tokyo waterways, where it totally propagates and, like, takes over Tokyo. I ask you, how in the hell can this NOT be some cool, crazy Japanese HORROR movie?

Well, it's NOT.

It was boring as shit. And moved like frozen molasses. After about 20 minute I switched the DVD to double speed, and 10 minutes later put it on 4x speed, and STILL it took an eternity for anything to happen. It was SOOOOO freakin' boring, a weird incomprehensible meditation on death and the disenfranchisement of youth. BO-ring.

Dammit, why can't anybody make a decent movie about killer jellyfish. Is that really too much to ask?




Upcoming on my Netflix queue:
1. The Pacificer
2. Battle Royale
3. Kung Fu Hustle
4. Hellevator
5. Itchi the Killer
6. Oldboy
7. A Very Long Engagement
8. Dark Water

I'll give a billion dollars to anybody who can guess which movie I did NOT pick.

3 comments:

Edco said...

Itchi the killer-- a classic. Battle Royale is also cool because everybody dies.

N. J. Pozner said...

Am I to believe that there is only 1 movie on this list that you did not choose?

Anonymous said...

"What Taters is, Precious?"

LOL!

I didn't see SUPER TROOPERS on that list, oh dear, what will the neighbors say?

--DWD