Monday, August 15, 2005

Layman Movie Review: RETURN TO VERA DRAKE



First, let me direct you to the very half-hearted apology from my roommate. This movie sat on our DVD cabinet for almost as long as Vera Drake is ancient. That's pretty much what happens when my roommate rents movies, forgetting that at some point we're actually expected to watch this stuff. So, in order to get to my AWESOME movies in the Netlfix cue, I have to suffer through hers. Oh, and suffer I did.

I know I reviewed this already, but that was before watching it. You are living vicariously through me, dear blog-lover, and if I must suffer, so must you. The story, again, is about a thousand year old lady living in prehistoric London, who LOVES to give abortions. She bets a pair of wooden teeth to the only person in London older than her, to see who can race to be the first to give a million abortions. So for the rest of the movie--which is about 5 hours long--she roams the streets of prehistoric London, bowing to whoever she meets and saying "Abortion is smile, comrade, abortion is smile." If a person bows back and replies "abortion is smile" she pulls out this two foot long "Abortionator" and zaps them. After she does this a million times she wins the wooden teeth.

Like I said, the movie went on for about five hours. It is shamelessly pro-abortion, and by about halfway through, I wished I could have an abortion. And by the fifth hour, I wished I had been aborted myself.

Vera Drake, ladies and gentlemen. Abortion is smile.

2 comments:

Tom said...

Interesting. I'll rent 'Vera Drake.'

By the way, I know you like Aquafina®, but something puzzles me. If it were proven beyond a reasonable doubt that a known terrorist drank Aquafina®, would that lessen your enthusiasm for the product?

Follow up: If the answer to the first question is 'no,' what it would take to get you to hate Aquafina®?

N. J. Pozner said...

The problem seems to be that Kim was watching the much peppier Spanish language version, while you had to suffer through the original English.