Tuesday, August 16, 2005

OMFFFG: The grossest blog posting in the history of the universe.

SPOILER: I'm not much for blood and gore. I can't even watch Nip/Tuck withouth skipping through the surgery scenes. I don't think I've seen a single Jason movie or Texas Chainsaw or Mike Myers or any of that stuff (I vaugely remember seeing a single Freddy movie, and thinking it was mean spirited.) In short, I don't really go for the gross-out stuff, so this one and only time you have permission to skip over this blog posting and re-read about the evervescent Vera "Abortion is Smile" Drake.

You've been warned.


I've told you before that Bumble Buzz has suffered in the past from cat acne, right? And if you do a google search on "feline acne," you'll find it is fairly common. Anyway, Bumble Buzz had it a couple years ago, really bad, all this big nasty-ass bumps on her chin, and we took her to the vet who explained it was pretty common, and cat's, not having opposably thumbs, can't pop the things, so they just get bigger and fester. So I had to pop Bumble Buzz's big nasty zits on her chin.

I swear.

Anyway, she had another outbreak a year or so ago, but I knew what was up, so I never let it get out of hand. Rufus even got a couple, but fortunately she never broke out too bad. We switched from plastic food bowls to metal, which I'm told does a good job of partially getting rid of the problem.

Anyway, a year or so Batty had a nasty cyst on her head, along with a bad cavity, so when we took her in to get her teeth cleaned and the cavity pulled we had the cyst removed. Mucho, mucho $$$$$.

A while ago my I noticed Bumble Buzz had a weird bump on her tail. It sorta felt like the cyst on Batty's head, and I didnt' feel like pointing it out to my roommate, 'cause she flys off the handle pretty easy when it comes to anything concerning the cats. But she noticed it a while ago, and I figured it was just a matter of time before she made me take ol' Bumble into the vet. Plus, I just bought my new iPod. You ever notice how as soon as you spend a bunch of money something comes up that costs you an additional shitload? Happens every time.

So... this morning my roommate, in a rare moment of petting sweet ol' Bumble, notices the thing on Bumble Buzz's tail is oozing some blood. And there is no putting it off. I need to take her to the vet, and I figure it is gonna cost me a mint.

But I decide to take a look at this thing on her tail... which is now ENORMOUS... the size of a human knuckle.


On her tail.

And it's been festering and growing for about the last 4 or 6 months.

Cat's don't like you messing with their tails, let alone popping a zit which is the size of a marble. I had to cut the hair around Bumble's tail so I wouldn't have to keep hunting around for it. Then I had to hold her down, which she didn't like, and squeeze all the nasty pus and juice out of the damn thing. It took about 15 minutes, and I got an entire gallon of disgusting cat zit goo out of it.

I swear. It was the most horrible thing I've ever seen in my life. I'm gonna have nightmares about this for weeks.


Anonymous said...

I once had a pimple on my penis... thought it was a STD so I went to the doctor and he popped it!

ewwww! True Story.

Christian said...

And to think, John's story alone was enough to nauseate me -- imagine my delight to find that the first and only post compounded that effect!


N. J. Pozner said...

Christ almighty...

Mr. Booyah said...

Dude... that's all I can say... Dude...

Anonymous said...

Just kill the stupid cat and end it's misery.

Mustang said...


While you're rabbiting on about trivia like housepets and abortions, there's a big, smelly elephant in the living room that you're not talking about at all.

Is there anything you'd like to say right about now?



Anonymous said...

A lawn dart through the zit probably would have saved you some effort.

Anonymous said...

Who knows where to download XRumer 5.0 Palladium?
Help, please. All recommend this program to effectively advertise on the Internet, this is the best program!

Anonymous said...

Embrace the intimacy of abscess popping! As it may cause regurgitation of the products consumed earlier at the dinner table. Please take precautionary measures to make sure that the use of imagination is used at a limited pace, due to the nauseating effect of the abscess ooze!

I just got done popping a zit the size of a dime on the shaft of my penis as I was reading the first guys comment. So funny, I thought it was an STD too, until I saw the white head... Then, I squeezed. About 2ml of whitish-yellow pus oozed a puddle. Meanwhile, the pressure was so intense that another head appeared and shot .5ml of yummy pus across the room like it was a load of cum. Although, it did not have the same orgasmic sensation; it did however, relieve a tremendous amount of pain and stress.

A word of Sage... Abscesses, zits, pimples, etc. Can come in all sizes. And... Now learned; they can come on places that you'd least expect and pack on hell of a squirt.

Buy Viagra Without Prescription said...

maybe the most venered animal in the earth, cats, in all cultures respectedm the Egypcian rended cult to this animal, Mayan and Aztecs, all this culture saw cat as a god, something divine.