Thursday, April 28, 2005

LAYMAMERICAN IDOL™

WEEK THREE RESULTS

(Before we get started, please note to tune in tomorrow, where the competitors will be given a chance for their first IMMUNITY CHALLENGE!)


WEEK THREE WINNER: WE HAVE A TIE

WEEK THREE WINNER: MAKI YAMANE

WEEK THREE WINNER: DARLENE


The grrrls have it in Week 3. This week's competition was simply too difficult to pick a winner. There are lots of reasons to pick Maki Yamane's blog, but only one reason to pick Darlene Alilains. So who should be the real winner? I'll leave that to you to decide.

So why did I pick Maki's blog, Trauma Queen ? Well, there is this. And this. And this. Oh, and this. Awesome, man... kick ass! Of course, everything that followed in her blog? Pfft. BO-ring! Look for a huge drop next week.
Previous Odds: 8-1
New Odds: 7-1

Darlene's Alilain's, Burning Kitchen once again walks the line between the purest, most concentrated tedium, punctuated with a single incandescent moment of seering brilliance. That moment: Right here. Awesome!!! Of course, it is doubtful she'll be able to keep this up. I mean, how could she possibly top that posting? (For the record, Bumble Buzz is EVEN SWEETER than described.)
Previous Odds: 3-1
New Odds: 4-1




Hmmm. John Oak Dalton has movie that came out this week about Piranhas called Razorteeth. . He says his WWII supernatural thriller is currently is currently being filmed. Either this guy is a huge liar, or he deserves some respect. Either way, he's clearly a cut about all the rest of these losers.
Previous Odds: 8-1
New Odds: 4-1

Hannibal Tabu is kinda a bastard. He's got a bad attitude, and he seems to hate everybody. I like that. However, in his The Operative Net, whose blog portion has not been updated since THE FOURTEENTH, he admits to being stuck on the "beach party dance" level of Grand Theft Auto San Andreas. How is that even possible? Therefore, Hannibal is the first and only Laymamerican Idol contestant to get a homework assignment: Get through that level, lame-ass, or suffer ELAYMANATION!!!
Previous Odds: 4-1
New Odds: 6-1

Well, the 9/11 picture was kinda cliched, but it was balanced out by a picture of Ghostbuster's Winston Zeddamore in Mary E, aka Mary Brickthrower aka Mary the Wretched aka Sadie Hex's blog, How The Wretched Live. Wanna hear somethign sad? My sophomore year in high school, in 1984, I saw a matinee of Ghostbusters every day for a month and a half.
Previous Odds: 5-1
New Odds: 6-1



Ah, Baron. Baron Baron Baron. When I first met this guy, he was a sweet and innocent teen who'se only concern was coloring DV8 comics. On his 21st birthday I handed him his first beer, and said "try it, what's the worst that could happen?" Today, Baron is a thug and a creep, a mean drunk, and the hipster, punk, emo, goth king of San Diego. He has a harem of little emo chicks at his utter beck and call, and he the King Pimp of San Diego. So we do we get on his My Zombies blog? Pictures of his house in a termite tent. Yawn. And then Baron shamelessly went for easy points with Tom Long posting. That shit may work for Neal Pozner, but we hold David Baron to a higher standard. Consider this your stern rebuke.
Previous Odds: 3-1
New Odds: 6-1

Here's an admission. This competition is biased. And, for some strange reason, I really, really, really want Eric DeSantis's Litany of Schist to win. However, Eric talking about porn, not to mention is abysmal taste in comics, is not going to be enough for win. I mean, I'm biased, but I'm not THAT biased.
Previous Odds: 4-1
New Odds: 7-1

Like I said, Owen Giani's Sore Thumbs is bringing me a BILLION hits per day. Don't people in Cana-duh have anthing better to do? This isn't really a blog, and it doesn't really have a chance at winning, and yet I have to keep it in for now because of all the traffic it's bringing me.
Previous Odds: 7-1
New Odds: 8-1



Well, you could see the writing on this wall. Neal Pozner's The Wind, has been a real snooze this week, plummeting from the chart-topping accolades it recieved last week. The "highlight" of his blog was a discourse about his PC, which this audience has zero interest in. In fact, Neal's entire blog was enough to put anybody in a persistant vegitative state, and when he teased us that he would be temporarly pulling the plug, even Tom Delay gave a shout of relief. Instead, Neal comes back with "fat guy t-shirts," which is surely some passive-aggressive attack on your humble narrator. Screw you, Neal! You're goin' down, bitch!
Previous Odds: 7-1
New Odds: 9-1

Good old Marcus may have shut down his nutty The Long and the Short of It, but I'm not going to rule him out of the competition just yet. I firmly believe Marcus has more tricks up his crafty sleeve (assuming people from Alabama wear shirts that have sleeves.) In fact, for all my jokes about Marcus, I hold him in the highest regard. Surrounded by the most treacherous of enemies (me and Tom Long,) Marcus has able to not just survive, but thrive. He's tenacious, and you may think he is down, but you can't rule him out. He reminds me of our last great president, Mr. Bill Clinton, The Comeback Kid, and I suspect Marcus will make a triumphant return just like our beloved ex-leader has. Plus, Marcus is just like Bill Clinton, from one of those weird state that begin with an "A", where everybody is related to one another.
Hey, Marcus, dude... if you are reading this. Email me at themightylayman_AT_comcast_DOT-net. I'm taking a vacation soon and am looking for a guest-host!
Previous Odds: 4-1
New Odds: 9-1

Information Overload bought me a nice milk frother for my coffee, and it works pretty good. She also bought me the Lego Episode III Wookee Attack set, which is pretty cool. Still, I'm not particularly known for my gratitude, am I?
Previous Odds: 12-1
New Odds: 10-1



Digio's As Mayor of This Town talks about his iPod, God of War, Star Wars and nursing a hangover. That keeps him alive for another week, though he's heading up the rear.
Previous Odds: 9-1
New Odds: 11-1

A mixed bag for James Nadiger's I Blame the Internets. He's got cat pictures, and pointed me in the direction of the Flyfly trailer (thanks, James.) However he also admitted he liked U2. which is a cardinal sin. You dumb bastard. You sick fuck! There are something are simply not appropriate to admit, even over the internet.
Previous Odds: 7-1
New Odds: 14-1

I really ought boot Ollie Hearts Crickets. I don't like reptiles. I'm only keeping you in because you might do something cool in tomorrow's IMMUNITY CHALLENGE.
Previous Odds: 10-1
New Odds: 15-1



WEEK TWO LOSER#1: THE RUDE PUNDIT

WEEK TWO LOSER#2 (sorta): DAN RANDLETT.

The Rude Pundit has really lost its novelty for me lately. It's like discussing politics with Tom Long, if Tom was intelligent.

Shit, Dan, as they say on Survivor... "this is was my hardest vote yet." I didn't want to eLaymanate you, but two must go. Plus, you only didn't post in three days, after offering some tantalizing hint of something to come, but which never materialized. Still, it's an honor to just play, right? And do yourself a favor, don't think too much about the fact that you lost to a guy who doesn't even have a blog any more. Anyway, somebody had to go, and if I had the slighest idea what Psychonauts was, it might have been enough to keep you instead of that stupid lizard. Sorry, Dan Randlett's The Though The Ap... you've been eLAYMANated!!!

HALL OF SHAME
WEEK TWO:
Scott Robin's All Ages
Brian Perez's Logic and Nausea
WEEK ONE:
Paul Horn's Cool Jerk
Rich Amtower's Christian Martyr

2 comments:

N. J. Pozner said...

Some people believe I myself have been in a persistent vegatative state for several years.

Dan Randlett said...

As better men than I have said, "Shit."

Anyway, you can find out the reason for the delay in Layman related awesomeness at the oddly titled The Though The Ap. At least I was only sort of eLaymanated. Not bad for the crappiest blog since crap came to craptown.