Tuesday, December 07, 2004

Guest Blog: PEACE LOVE AND LAYMAN

LAYMAN TO HORSE: "I FORGIVE YOU"

A good news/bad news sort of day as Layman awoke today and announced that he has forgiven the horse responsible for this terrible tragedy. "Life is too short to waste on this sort of hate," Layman magnanimously declared, "I'm going to concentrate on healing, both spiritual and physical, and to do this I must first forgive the horse, then open my heart to LOVE the horse." There was not a dry eye in the entire wing of the hospital.

However, the day was not without its setback. Doctors noticed Layman had a pronounced slur in his speech, and worried he might have brain damage from the fall he took as a result of his injury. After extensive MRI tests, it was determined that Layman indeed does have brain damage, but it is a result of watching THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK prior to his injury. The movie was SO fucking dumb that you could actually hear Layman's IQ dropping in freefall as he watched it. Not only that, the movie was so mindnumbingly ill-concieved, poorly excecuted, and just generally stupid-ass, that it also rendered the DVD player that showed the movie retarded. Despite Layman's previous message of forgiveness, it is generally agreed that anybody who likes this movie should be taken out and beaten to death with a Five Iron.

Inspired by love,
"Soggy" Pete

3 comments:

Tom said...

I forgive the horse, too.

It's funny, but a friend of mine was recommending Riddick just last night, so I put it on my netflix queue. He warned me that everyone else hated it. I guess I'll have to see.

Anonymous said...

"After extensive MRI tests, it was determined that Layman indeed does have brain damage, but it is a result of watching THE CHRONICLES OF RIDDICK prior to his injury."

So very, very sad...what they did with that movie. I thought it started out great but the last 1/2 of the film is idiotic and lame. Event movies are starting to piss me off, but I watched John Carpenter's The Thing on DVD and felt much better. If it helped me, perhaps it can help Layman...

Cooper

Darth_Tanyan said...

I saw it with my roommates the other day... It looked like Warhammer 40k met Dune in a dark alley and took turns crapping on each other. There, that's my critique.
Btw, if it makes you feel any better, Nietzsche was done in by a horse, too.