Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Layman movie review: HOUSE OF FLYING BADGERS

I came into this with pretty low expectations. I wasn't really crazy about "Hero," the director's previous movie. I thought it was beautiful, but it was the same story from, like, a trillion different perspectives, and by the time the same characters died for, like, the fortieth time, I didn't really give a crap. I'd heard some mixed things about "House of Flying Badgers," even though it is on nearly everybody's Top Ten list for 2004. Plus, I was IMing with noted internet troublemaker Charlie Chu, who told me "House of Flying Badgers" wasn't any good or worth my time.

But, despite it all, I went and saw it. And I thought it was pretty damn good. Way better than "Hero," not quite as good as "Crouching Tiger" (or "Iron Monkey," which is just as cool, just much less pretentious.) I had heard "House of Flying Badgers" had a really complex plot, but I had not taken into account that AMERICANS ARE RETARDED. All you had to be was not an idiot to follow it, which apparently is too much for most U.S. residents (at least 51%, at last count.)

The plot is about a blind dancing assassin, played by Crouching Tiger's Zhang Zoo, the cute little Chinese girl that sorta looks like a cute little Chinese boy. She is part of a legion of assassins who carry around badgers and throw them at her enemies. The evil emperor is poaching wildlife from the forest, so some shit like that, so little Zhang Zoo takes her three little badgers (named Ike, Mike and Sally,) sharpens their claws to razor sharp points, and thows them at various mutha fuckas. There's a lot of cool fighting, and a love triangle, and something else, and another something else. Anyway, it was pretty good, and Charlie Chu is a big idiot.

So, in conclusion... SCREW YOU, CHARLIE CHU!

Anyway, "House of Flying Badgers"... LAYMAN™ RECOMMENDED!


Chairman said...

BAH! I say, BAH!

House of Flying Crap totally sucks because it pales in comparison to how great Hero was. And even Hero, I have my problems with politically, but that's a whole other discussion.

While the first half of House of Flying Daggers has plenty of cool set pieces (that peanut game being one), it collapses under the weight of all that overwrought romantic triangle bullshit, which CAME OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE!

And I got really bored of watching continuous shots of horses going across the screen one after another. If this movie were cut down to 100-110 minutes, it would be great, but I stand behind my thumbs down.

Boring, pretentious, and poorly written, it serves as a reminder that all the pretty visuals and style in the world isn't going to save you if you've got a bullshit story that's hung upon a series of nonsensical contrieved plot devices.


chee said...

I totally agree with you, Mr. John Layman.
On Hero and House of Flying BAdgers.
Please check out Kungfu Hustle when it comes out though.
Good stuff~~